Heavy Metal Bowser
by Treacle Parcheesi
Summary: In this send-up of the 1981 film Heavy Metal the Mario's, Peach, Daisy, Toad and many more are absorbed by the hive mind of the Koopalings. Very true to the original, this fic has pointless violence, oo-la-la and heaving bosoms to beat the band!
1. Kamek's Story

When the Mushroom world was still young, and its creator, Star Breeze, still walked it, she let species, both intelligent and non-intelligent, arrive on her planet and grow in numbers as they pleased. But she was still feeling a void; seeing as she had no children of her own. The same night she gave birth to twins. The female was named Eudicot, and the male, Kamek. When the Gemini, Star Twins, came of age, they started families, to whom they taught their different tenets of healing and magic. To keep peace between the two tribes, Eudicot built a magic scepter to embody her benevolent wisdom, and to trap diseases. Her brother took an ounce of sand and buried the despair and malevolence of the newborn world in it, before rendering it into the Oog Tar. The Gemini put the items together, and for thousands of years, no insanity, war or disease existed in the Mushroom World. But one day, Koopa, one of the petty rulers of the east discovered the tribes and sought to make them his own. Koopa had no interest in the wellbeing of other living things; he therefore only took the Oog Tar. There was an instant rupture between the families, and Koopa gained control over Magikoopa and his family, while exterminating his sister and almost all of her kin. Star Breeze had mercy on them and brought the survivors near her and put her order on the surviving twin. His sister was indeed gone, but her blood was alive and pure in him. His new allegiance nonwithstanding, if an evil force ever opted for world domination again, Kamek would ensure that his chosen fighters would defend the innocent people of the Mushroom World in a righteous battle between good and evil.


	2. Bowser vs Peach

**First chapter of the last installment of my trilogy. Enjoy!**

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><p>It was hard to describe the atmosphere of Toad Town that special day. It had gone from a complete state of emergency with Mushroom People flailing about and panicking, swarms of Koopas pillaging and destroying, fire and smoke staining the air, and screaming. The town itself had been cleaned up, but not even Princess Peach could do anything to calm her people's fear. Not this time.<p>

The town was mostly empty, and people had gathered in an ancient court house near the Dark Land border. It was for the sake of convenience on behalf of the defendants.

After the attack King Bowser Koopa had launched on Jewelry Land, its ruler King Fret, along with Princess Peach, finally had enough evidence to arrest the dreaded super villain. Also, there were others who testified against him.

"No need to worry, Princess." Mario sighed while sitting on the front row in the court room. "We have everything we need to keep that lizard behind bars forever."

"I know, I know," Peach said, yet she wrung her hands. She was as neat and smart-looking as always, but her lack of sleep was obvious.

"You're nervous too, Mario; and you know it, so don't blame her for fearing Mama's spaghetti."

"That's easy for you to say, Luigi. You weren't there."

"Luckily," Luigi said nervously to himself.

The main entrance to the courtroom opened, and Bowser Koopa, chained by the neck, was dragged in by at least four dozen Toads. Peach refused to look up as he passed her; the smell of his breath was more than enough to greet her.

The presiding judge was royal steward Toadsworth, whose speech was documented by stenographer Toadette, who had recently graduated. The prosecutor was Toadbert, a friend of the princess.

"Are you Bowser Koopa?" He read from a scroll bigger than the defendant.

"_King_ Bowser Koopa," the defendant grunted.

"King Bowser, you stand here accused of five counts of warfare and terrorism illegalized by the signed Mushroom Galaxy Treaty, seventy-five cases of kidnapping…"

Peach made a strange hiccup-sound.

"…Eight counts of imprisoned Yoshis, twelve counts of grand larceny, and, um, one count of skipping jury duty."

The Toads on the benches were murmuring angrily. Toadsworth banged his gavel.

"How do you plea?"

Bowser scoffed. "Not guilty."

The level of murmuring didn't call for another bang. Everyone had seen that cowardly move coming.

"Is it also true that you on three different occasions were aided by your children; the Koopalings, in your terror campaigns?"

Bowser tried to charge at Toadbert, but the cage and chains were effective enough. "Keep the Koopalings out of this, or I'll rip your teeth out!" He snarled and spat fireballs, which were immediately put out by water. King Koopa sputtered as he tried to protect himself from the ice cold jets.

"Will the judge please note that the defendant threatened a court officer?"

"Dually noted," Toadsworth banged the gavel again. "Also, it's time to call some witnesses."

Although Toads were easily rattled by nature, they had good memory and were considered reliable eye witnesses by Mushroom Galaxy justice system standards.

"Mommy took me home from school; we were having berry ice cream for dessert that day and then; Bob-Omb, Bob-Omb!" The teenage Toad girl flailed her arms to imitate an explosion; "Our home was blown away! And we saw him."

"… A giant turtle that smelled like Fritos," an elderly male Toad said-

"… The broom Koopas with the funny hats said they were under orders from Bowser…"

"Bob-Omb; Bob-Omb!"

Finally, it was Princess Peach's turn to take the witness stand. Mario hoped he had told her enough encouraging words for her to keep her cool, even when faced with her worst enemy.

"I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth," Peach said as she sat down.

"Your Highness," Toadbert said with a powerful voice; "Is it true that the defendant on three different occasions kidnapped you?"

Peach took a deep breath through her nose. "Yes, it is."

"And on one of these incidents were an attempt to make you his wife?"

"So that he could rule my kingdom legally, yes," Peach replied.

"Is it also true that he gave you the choice between, quote "a ring on your finger, or an axe between your head and shoulders; end quote?"

"Yes." The princess clutched the pink silk of her skirt. The memory was not cherished.

"I understand that you wish to speak about the atrocity committed against you and your people."

Peach stood up. "Indeed. My realm was taken by an unfairly brutal force. My father and many, many good Toads were killed in the process. The one behind this bloodbath is here today, but if it hadn't been for my best friends, the Mushroom Kingdom would have been a wasteland. I've been taken, and wounded by Bowser Koopa's evil, and here is the evidence!"

She opened her briefcase and hurled a piece of cloth with Bowser's emblem on it onto the judge's desk.

"He used this when he took me. And my friends will confirm Bowser's crimes."

The jury deliberated for ten minutes. Mario hadn't even finished his coffee when they were called in again.

"Your Honor, we find the defendant… Guilty."

"Bowser, is there anything you would like to say before the sentence is read?"

The Koopa king stared angrily at Toadsworth. "Get on with it, you runt."

"Bowser Koopa, because your crimes are heinous in nature, and committed with full knowledge and consent, I sentence you to life in the maximum security wing at the Dark Star Penitentiary. In the meantime, the court will arrange foster homes for your children. Please take the prisoner into custody."

Bowser didn't have to repress his anger any more. After all, he had a genius plan. But first of all, he had to expend one of his new rights.

"I believe I'm entitled to one phone call," he said nonchalantly as the prison guards were finished with his mug shots. They had confiscated his spiked collars and every bit of contraband his son Roy had tucked into his shell.

He made sure nobody saw the number he dialed.

"Hello. Who am I?" Bowser smiled deviously. "Someone who appreciates you."

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><p><strong>Gee, Mulder; wonder who that could be?<strong>


	3. I Was In Prison And You Scorned Me

**I don't know, Scully. Let's find out.^^**

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><p>As Bowser had contacts, prison life wasn't half as bad as he'd thought. But still it took two weeks from he called his contact until she actually showed up.<p>

Bowser was pacing in his cell when he heard the gates to the ward being opened.

"What is it now?" He snarled through the prison bars. It was too early for dinner, and there was no mail on Sundays.

The person stepped out from the shadows the torches couldn't illuminate. Bowser backed away from the bars in fear.

"Oh, uh, He – hello, Lady Linh. It's… Good to see you."

"So," the Toad woman said as she stared at King Koopa in a way no Toad had done before. "It's 'Lady Linh' now, huh? I can only guess…" She sat down on the stool in front of Bowser's cell. "That there is something you want from me."

Bowser wrung his hands nervously. Reishi was a ticking Bob-Omb.

"There is, yes. You're the only one in the Mushroom Galaxy who can help me."

The Toad woman rose to her feet and wandered back and forth by the cell, staring at its posh décor with her ruthless eyes. "You've got a nice set-up here, Koopa. You're in prison, and _still_ you enjoy luxuries I could only dream of before you rescued me."

"I know."

"So you understand that it's hard for me to feel sorry for you."

"I do."

Reishi unhinged her purse from the chair's back. "I'll give my regards to Kamek."

The sight of her back made Bowser desperate, and he charged against the wrought iron cage, shaking it furiously.

"Don't you dare leaving me, Toad girl; you _owe me everything_!" He roared and spat fireballs which were absorbed by the bars. "Come back here; I'm not done!"

Reishi stopped, and stood still for five long seconds. When she turned around, her pasty face was like marble. She approached King Koopa with one step.

"Bowser. I'm not the awkward Mushroom girl I once was. Since you've taught me everything I need to know on how to survive in the world, I've become so much more."

The series of appalling experiments conducted on her by Iggy Koopa also played a part. Her eyes were like blood in the torch light; sleep deprivation trials.

"So, it's gonna take more than a warm bath and a sandwich to motivate me." She sat back down and folded out the wrinkles in her moss green skirt.

Bowser deliberated. "OK. I realize that you deserve the biggest honey pot in my pantry. That's fine."

"Keeping in mind that I have enough Coins," Reishi interjected. "So that honey better be _freaky_ tasty." She smiled viciously. "What are you waiting for, Your Plagueriddenness? Make me an offer."

"Uh, um…" Bowser thought long and hard; when did one have enough gold, and what could be better than an even bigger load _and_ some glittering jewels? Then, he had an idea.

"Reishi, if you help me with this plan, I will find a neat county in the Mushroom Kingdom for you and make you the Countess," Bowser said. "It will be lush and full of natural resources, and… Uh, you'll have minions of your own to treat as doormats as you please. I won't disturb you ever again."

The Toad nanny considered his offer for a long time. Then, she reached out her ice cold hand.

"Agreed." They shook hands over it, before she suddenly pulled Bowser's claw out from behind the bars and bit his wrist so hard he felt a rush of panic. When she finally let go, he was bleeding.

"Consider it a down-payment on what I _owe_ you," she said. As he licked his wound, Bowser could hear her evil laughter from outside the doors.


	4. Radar Rider

For the first time in months, Peach felt safe enough to take a long walk on her own. She put on a straw hat and picked down her flower basket and Ikebana tools.

"Are you sure you'll be alright?" Toad asked for the millionth time as he held the door open for the princess.

"I'm very sure," she said and patted him on his cap. "I'll just go to Dimple Woods and pick some snapdragons. When I get home, I know some guest bedrooms that could need some flower arrangements."

Mario and Luigi, who were up a fountain in the entrance hall, waved good-bye.

She returned within an hour with a big smile on her sweet face. "Mario! Luigi, oh, there you are," she said as she saw them still working on the water pump.

"Did you have a nice walk, princess?" Mario asked.

"Yeah, it was great. Come with me, I have to show you something."

She took them out of the castle to her garden. "Look."

It was a saddled bird the size of a Real World semi-trailer. Its feathers were sunny yellow, its tail was long and white, and its intelligent eyes glowed soft, like emeralds. It had a head and wings like that of a pteranodon.

"Careful, that's a Roc!" Luigi said as the Princess approached it.

Peach hushed him. "His name is Radar. He found me in the woods and gave me this letter. It says that the Medikoopas have invited us for an early dinner, and sent them their bird to pick us up."

Mario, who held out an apple core for Radar, looked at her, baffled. "And you don't see a problem with dining with a bunch of Koopas right after throwing their king in the slammer?"

"Of course not." Peach mounted the bird, which shook its head in delight. Anyone who gave him such a yummy treat was welcome aboard.

She managed to convince the two plumbers and Toad to take a seat on Radar's back, and he had a liftoff after running only a few yards. "The Medikoopas are allies of Rosalina and the Lumas. They live in a dome near her Observatory. You honestly didn't know there are friendly Koopas out there? I'm surprised."

Radar stretched his wings and accelerated. Usually he took his time while flying; looking at all the cool things on the ground below, and the planets of the galaxy. But how often did he get to show off to a gang of newbies?

The Medikoopa headquarters was illuminated by a perpetual sunset. The minute Peach, Mario, Luigi and Toad jumped off Radar's back, they found themselves filled with a strange inner peace.

"I feel fine," Toad said and sighed contentedly.

"Me too," Luigi replied.

"It's the healing power of the Medikoopas. It's so concentrated because they live so many together. Medikoopas are extremely rare."

"Why?" Mario asked and gave Radar the crusts from his lunch. He had now gained a lifelong friend.

"For one, I know that Bowser's grandfather launched a campaign to exterminate them."

Peach tied Radar to a litchi tree outside the dome's entrance. "And the Medikoopa tribe is only expands with one member every tenth year, so they will always be endangered."

The Dark Land royals again. Mario was so sick and tired of that family he could puke, but as soon as the hosts showed up, the urge disappeared.

Two of the tribe members fluttered over the gate. "There they are. Fern, help me open the gate."

The Koopa named Fern took out her gold caduceus and with a wave of sparking red magic, the brass gate opened for them. She landed on her feet to welcome the party, and curtsied for Peach.

"Welcome to the Hygeia Hideout." The creature's voice was warm and friendly. Take off your coats and shoes, and scrub your hands well before entering."

The Medikoopas were not much bigger than Toad, dressed in white wizard robes with half-sleeves over their matching red sweaters, and rubber clogs; comfy and ugly. One of them had pink glasses, and the other had yellow. Peach deducted that the pink specs; Fern, was female.

Hygeia Hideout was a clement jungle within a little bubble. Peach felt soothed as she felt the warm soil and grass under her naked feet, and so did the others, as they were directed to the dinner table, which they weren't the only ones invited to; Princess Daisy, Rosalina, Yoshi, Toadette and a pair of interesting Koopas neither Peach or Mario had seen before already sat at the table, chatting.

"Hi there," Daisy said with her perky voice and waved at them. Rosalina was her usual dignified self. Toadette joined in on the waving and giggled; while Yoshi got so excited he accidentally slung his tongue out and swallowed a Medikoopa. The bespectacled one was immediately coughed back up, and the female Koopa snapped a picture of him. "That's a _keeper_!"

Toad leant over to Peach's side as they sat down. "I heard the cook is preparing hot wings. Better remove your gloves."

He had already given Rosalina the same newsflash, and she had folded up the long sleeves on her aqua dress.

"I wish to welcome everyone to the table," one of the elderly Medikoopas said. "I am Eudicot; this is the home of the Medikoopas, and this…" She waved her caduceus; "Is our dinner."

After serving the guests, the other Koopas joined the table. Most of them flanked Eudicot, although some of them had the confidence to sit next to the two Koopa guests. But the existing tension was soon resolved; Eudicots believed that no heavy meal should be served without a heavy flow of wine as well.

"I propose a toast," Mario said to Peach's knee. His head was kind of heavy.

"I agree," Rosalina said, pushed aside her mountain of chicken bones and lifted her glass elegantly. "To Bowser."

Everybody was surprised.

"Yes, to Bowser," she confirmed. "To his health. May he have a long, boring life in the big house."

Daisy sighed. "That was _beautiful_." She was touched to tears when she held up her wine. "To Bowser."

"To Bowser!" Everyone chanted.

"I'm so glad it's all over," Peach said. Her cheeks were more than just a little rosy. "We have nothing to worry about anymore. I'm installing – hiccup – a pool next week. Anyone who wants to hot-tub bring a towel, and booze."

She kissed Mario on the cheek, and he responded with a sheepish chuckle.

When they had all returned to their respective homes, the Medikoopas started picking up the dishes. Eudicot floated, like she always did when she was pensive. "Do you think they picked up on anything I was hinting on tonight?"

Fern shook her head.

"No. Serve Kool-Aid next time."


	5. Make Love To Me

**It's been a while, but here's the next chapter. Gotta warn you though, this story is not intended for kids, unlike tether balls and knife wrenches. I've wanted to write a story that's kind of sexy, so like it or lump it! If you'd leave a review, that'd be very nice.**

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><p>Kamek was back in business after long-time convalescent care, but did not yet have a clean bill of health. The Kastle Koopa workers union had therefore employed several Magikoopas. That probably sounds great, but all of them were newbies and quite young. Often they messed up single tasks such as getting Bowser his coffee almost beyond repair; and ever since Roy Koopa poisoned him, Kamek had spent a lot of time wondering how many of his students he would have to break out of the stucco upon returning home.<p>

One of them, however, was very promising; like an extra docile lump of clay, easily lead and world-class sycophant. To keep his fragile ego out of Bowser's abusive range, Kamek had made him Lady Reishi Linh's attendant. She hadn't been pleased with the situation. Reishi did not like having to deal with people below her; well, _people_ as a whole. But for some unfathomable reason, Karmak was _smitten_ with her. When she found that one out, he quickly became her favorite toy.

"Visiting 'King Dad' in that hellhole is easier when I know you're waiting for me right here." Reishi sat down on her favorite armchair, put her leg over Karmak's, who in turn rested his claw on it.

"Such audacity," Reishi made a tut-tut sound. "And I thought the Koopa Troop was told to abstain from such filth."

"We are, but Toad girls are like butter. How can I resist?"

"Exactly." Reishi leant back all relaxed. "However, in Bowser's eyes this is a slip-up, and you're gonna have to pay for it," she said like an overprotective den mother. "Or else I'll be _so_ disappointed in you."

Karmak clenched his fists and buried them under his chin like a frightened schoolgirl. He hated upsetting King Bowser, but disappointing Lady Linh was worse. "Please tell me. I'll do anything."

"Good; because I've already asked Prince Iggy for help, and he's cooking up something I should really keep an eye on."

She snuggled up and rested her head on his shoulder. "I want you to fly away to the Forest of Illusion. There is a package there; buried under an X."

Actually, that was the exact same order Bowser had given her, but she didn't feel like staining her new outfit. Karmak drew a list longer than himself from his sleeve. "But this list of other tasks you gave me this morning…"

"… Is void," Reishi said and threw it away. "Hear me out, OK?" She dragged a scary-looking, red fingernail across Karmak's scrawny chest. "You go to Dinosaur Land and wait in the tower of Roy's castle. Don't let anyone see you, and keep the package hidden until I get there." She smiled at him; baring those deadly, pearly whites.

"Do you know why you're doing this?" She whispered right into his ear, and Karmak felt a hot rush in his chest as she undid the lace in her bodice and pressed his head against her small, round breast. Oh dear; how he longed to place the whole thing in his mouth and draw upon it until it became sore and red; it already took the young Magikoopa every bit of self control he could muster, as the Toad girl's perky pink nipple was not even a millimeter from his tongue.

"Because you reward me above the covers."

"Correct," Reishi said happily. "Now, hitch up your man dress and make love to me."

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><p>Since the latest abduction of Princess Peach Toadstool, none of the heirs to the Koopa dynasty had visited the Neon Castle; the Koopa summer home; or their own castles, which Bowser had given them as gifts.<p>

"Ah, my old crib," Roy Koopa sighed as he stepped through four years of accumulated filth.

"Maybe Daddykins ordering us to meet up in the _crappiest_ castle will make sense someday." Wendy O. Koopa spat out her gum, and it flew millimeters past the right horn of her brother's red sunglasses.

"Afraid he'll cut your allowance again, Kootie Pie?"

"Shut up, muscle head," she snarled.

"Now that's the sister we all know and love," Ludwig von Koopa interrupted. "All the fight-mongering, scratching and putting of stiletto heels in people's foreheads… Always makes me feel at home."

The smallest, yet second oldest Koopaling came hopping out from the shadows on his yellow circus ball. "Whatcha doin'?"

"Nothing, Lemmy," Roy said too soon. "Go play with yourself."

"Okay." He disappeared, and it was almost as if he'd been a hallucination.

Morton Koopa Jr. crossed his arms over his beefy chest. "I hate this place. And where the hell is Iggy? He's never this late. Never unless…"

Ludwig covered his brother's mouth to avoid another rant. "He'll be here eventually. Now let's obey our father's bidding and clean this place up and get a fire going."

Wendy sat on a mantelpiece and filed her claws as Lemmy and Larry put coal on the fire and started making dinner. Ludwig was dusting one of Bowser's armchairs as Roy discovered an old photo hanging on the kitchen wall. It was of a grumpy, chubby Koopa girl with purple, spiky hair and a lime green dress. The Koopaling sighed as he looked at it, and pink heart bubbles appeared around his head. Unfortunately, Ludwig noticed.

"Who the Koop is that?" He pointed rudely at the picture.

"My girlfriend," Roy said while blushing. "A real doll, don't you think?"

"_Doll_? But she's so fat! Even you couldn't be that much of a deviant!" Ludwig said surprised.

Roy raised his eyebrow and smiled even more. "Ah, I just love a female with meat on her bones. The more the better."

"That's disgusting. She's a heifer."

"And a damn – good – lay!" Roy underlined his words with a series of unsettling spanking gestures.

"Will you perverts listen?" Wendy snapped. "I'm asking you if you're the ones who lit the fireplace in the library."

"We're not." Roy shook his head.

"Oh, God dammit! It's the first time we set foot in this rat hole in years and instead of killing rats we have to off a burglar! I hate this crap!" Morton snarled.

The Koopalings each chose a weapon from the kitchen. Wendy stared at her twin brother's selection.

"A fire poker?" She asked dryly and quit inspecting her own beef mallet.

"Hey, it's not a cliché _yet_!"

The stairs from Roy's kitchen to his drawing room were of stone, so they didn't creak, and as Iggy was not there, he couldn't screw it up with his demented chuckle. Someone was sitting in the ear chair in front of the fireplace. Ludwig reached out a trembling claw to turn the furniture around, and everybody raised their weapons. Lemmy held his rolled-up issue of _Koopa's Day_ ready.

The person in the chair was not a burglar, but their nanny; indeed the only Koopaling nanny not currently dead or in a hospital.

"_Ciao, Bowserotti_," she said with a cold smile. "It's been long… But not long enough."

Everybody dropped their weapons except for Wendy O., who still looked as if wanting to kill their ex – governess. Ludwig put a reassuring claw on her shoulder.

"Lady, please leave my castle," Roy said with obvious disgust on his face.

"That's a no-no." Reishi crossed her legs. "You know what I do to rude little Koopas."

"You do it to their honor," Roy raised his voice as well. "State your business and piss off."

"Your father is in trouble, and he needs our help."

All of the Koopalings groaned in annoyance. They didn't care about their father's stupid blunders anymore; they had lately been focusing on how to rebuild their lives without him; just with his money. It had been a nice year; one without raccoon –eared plumbers and knobby-kneed, shrieky-voiced missing white women.

"So am I to understand you'll rather betray Bowser? That sounds like an interesting avenue of action." Reishi emptied the brandy carafe and hurled the precious heirloom into the fire, where it exploded. "Please let me in on the fine details. I have an eye for these things."

"Look, Reishi, we love King Dad, OK?" Roy rested his hands on his hips defensively. "But we're sick and tired of being the laughing stock of the entire Mushroom Kingdom."

There, he said it; the syllables that ended every scene in tragedy when uttered in front of Reishi Linh. The Toad girl grabbed Roy by the throat and held him up against the wall. Her fingers were longing to squeeze, and in time kill, but her voice was sad.

"I know what it's like to be a laughing stock." She tightened her grip. "The scapegoat, the punch line to every joke… Wouldn't it be fun to tell Bowser in person how you really feel about him?"

"You're twisting my words, you psycho bitch!" Roy scratched at her hands, but they were unyielding.

"Doesn't matter. If King Koopa was ever to suspect any betrayal from you guys, he'd believe my word over yours if I told him you bust your nuts in his pillow."

She dropped him, and he coughed and rubbed his neck. "Our mother always told us our freedom was the most important thing in the world."

"Yeah, well, your mom's dead, so shut up." Reishi looked at her clock. "But this mission to free your father is not optional. Your dear brother made sure of that."

She unrolled a scroll she had kept in the pocket of her dress. It was a long contract, signed by Prince Iggy Koopa, both above and below the tiny notes; which were all in shorthand.

Roy read it all and his lips puckered.

"This time I am going to kill him."


	6. Iggy's Dream Theater

**Thanks for your reviews! You rock!**

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><p>Reishi herded Bowser's children from the study to the dark dungeon, which had been made into a makeshift laboratory. The seemingly bottomless pit underneath the haphazard floor pieces was pitch black, until the lights were switched on as a touch of drama.<p>

Iggy Koopa was standing on top of a round platform, which in reality was an iron cogwheel. When he saw them, he pulled a lever that made the wheel descend.

"My dear fellow Koopalings!" He exclaimed, holding out his arms like the angel of death he was. "I have awaited you. What you are about to see, and receive, is so grand, you must come one, come all, to witness it, lest some of you will tell me…"

"What a double-dealing whackjob you are?" Roy interrupted.

"Ah, still a little fried over the contract thing, huh?" Iggy chuckled, and the sound was not very uplifting. "Well, it was in your best interest. If none of us had signed it, we'd all face, you know, fates worse than butt cancer." Iggy laughed at his use of the word "butt". Roy's face didn't change.

"Because that would be our first time."

Iggy decided to ignore his grumpy brother and turned to Reishi, who smiled secretively at him.

"Do you have it, Lady Linh? The artifact?"

Reishi handed him a wrapped trinket the size of a basket ball, which he greedily opened. His eyes went from just crazy to crazy and obsessed.

"Oh, it's more beautiful than I ever imagined. Come to me, my darling." The deranged Koopaling said breathlessly as he took the object in his hand and unraveled the piece of cloth around it. The object looked like a jackstone fashioned from grimy desert glass. Upon contact with Iggy's skin, it emanated a cold blue light.

"What the hell is that?" Morton took it in his hands, and it stopped glowing. "And who turned it off?"

Iggy smiled. "This is the Oog Tar; sum of all insanity. It's powers can only be controlled by crazy people."

"You should feel flattered, Big Mouth." Wendy O. grabbed the bauble, which glowed; yet not as intensely as with Iggy.

Ludwig was incenced. "Hey! I am way crazier than you. The insanity is not that strong in you!" He snarled.

Iggy just smiled. "Maybe, but I've killed more people than you because of it."

"No, you didn't!" Ludwig sprayed him with spittle. "The shrink killed herself!"

"Because I told her to." Iggy was calm. "And besides; as I signed daddykins' contract, I'm in charge."

Roy on the other hand, was fed up. "It's all just a big pissing contest with you two. Now explain how that shard is goin'a get King Dad out before** I** make the Oog Tar glow and punch somebody!"

"Very well, then, brother-dear. Let me show you."

Iggy pressed a big red button on the wall; the one as far as possible away from Lemmy's hands, and they all heard an earsplitting sound from underneath them; the oblivion surrounding Iggy's platform was illuminated by a deep red glow, turning pink and then orange as a dome of colored glass ascended to the surface. The whole castle trembled as the machine pumped its breaks.

Lemmy pointed at it and jumped up and down happily; "Look! A great big huge disco ball!"

"What is it?" Wendy shielded her eyes from its surreal lights.

Iggy stood in front of the mammoth soap bubble – like thing. "This is my newest invention; the Dream Theater!"

Lemmy smiled even more. "We're going to the theater! Yay!"

"Yes, dear sibling, we are going to the theater; the best ones there are, because each of us will get one of our very own. And now that we have the Oog Tar, it will be a 3-D experience." Iggy straightened his glasses; which he hadn't completely grown into.

"What play is on?" Ludwig asked. "I hope it has decent music."

"I hope there's a circus and cute animals and a lot of candy to eat!" Lemmy exclaimed and clapped his tiny claws in anticipation.

"I hope people die pointless, brutal deaths," Roy added.

Iggy held the Oog Tar as if it was his first born son. He even smiled lovingly at it. Wendy raised her eyebrow as she lit one of her forbidden cigarettes. Her father had a double standard when it came to smoking; the boys were allowed, but she, being a girl, was not. Of course, none of her brothers told on her; she had so much dirt on them she had become the richest Koopa girl in the Mushroom World from blackmailing them alone.

She held the long mouth piece elegantly between her slender claws. "Should we turn away so you can start the breastfeeding?"

"No need," Iggy replied. "What I meant to say is that it's up to you. But don't take my word for it. I have another surprise for you."

All of the Koopalings gasped as the door next to the Dream Theater opened, and Bowser stepped out, with broken chains hanging from his arms and neck. He looked at Iggy's invention with unmistakable delight.

"It's perfect for my evil plan," he said maliciously as he inspected both the machine and the Oog Tar.

Iggy pressed his clenched fists together. "I did _everything_ you told me, King Dad," he said in a creepy monotone.

"I see that, son," Bowser said tenderly and stroked his son's hair. "I'm very proud of you." He turned to Reishi. "It's his sleepy-bye time. Take care of him, will you?"

Reishi sighed and took out Iggy's "travel coat", and while the Koopaling catnapped swaddled in a cocoon of belts, the others listened intently to Bowser's commands.

"Now, my Koopa darlings. I've brought you here so you can make yourselves useful, and absorb some learning in the meantime."

Roy rolled his eyes and crossed his arms defiantly. "Is this gonna be one of those tough-love lessons where you make us dodge wrenches?"

Bowser stared at him. "Where do you get off speaking to me like that?"

"The same place where you found out it's okay to treat us like minions. You got Iggy to suck up to you; congratulations. The rest of us have no reason to believe this new scheme of yours will bear any fruit."

Bowser knew that Roy was right, but he was tempted to spew fire at him. "Which is why I leave one of you in charge of said scheme. I will stay out of your way and not be able to ruin anything; only line things up."

The Koopalings murmured, some in agreement, others in refusal.

"I'll give you time to deliberate," King Koopa said and exited the room. He returned an hour later, followed by Reishi. While the others discussed their father's offer over a game of cards, Ludwig was checking Iggy's blood test result.

"How is it?" Iggy asked. He was seated in a Victorian wheelchair surrounded by a forest of different intravenous concoctions. He received all of his nutrients by drip, as he thought he saved time that way.

"Hm, you're a little low on B12 and magnesium… and your blood sugar is waning. I told you to change your diet." Ludwig sighed.

"Then, please step on the Imagicillin - pedal."

Ludwig stomped on a lever on the floor, injecting his brother with a hefty dose. Iggy's body jarred.

"Oh – Ooohh, now, that's farm-fresh Imagicillin," he said blissfully as his pupils dilated.

"Have you decided yet?" Bowser interrupted them.

"Yes, King Dad," Roy said. "We agree on one condition."

"Name it, it's yours."

"Whether we succeed or not, we want a million Yellow Coins, a castle in the Real World and a Diners Club membership. Each. If you try to stiff us, we'll leave and you'll never see us again. In return, we'll follow any order no questions asked. And if we get hurt, we get two millions coins."

Now it was Bowser's turn to deliberate. "Fine, you avaricious little skunks. Now, I have picked one of you to be the leader."

Everybody started to jump up and down and nag, but Bowser raised his massive claws. "Pipe down, offspring." He smiled viciously. "Larry-dear. Please stand up."

The youngest Koopaling, Larry Koopa, who was always quiet, stepped up to his father's side; cold and poker-faced.

"Koopums. I've made you the leader because you're the most evil. Are you ready?"

Larry chuckled.

"I am the emperor of 'ready'."


	7. Princess Peach To The Rescue

Mario, Luigi, Peach and Toad were sitting in Peach's kitchen and listening to Last Thursday Special Dour Hour on the radio while having a light meal before bed. The princess had made vegetable quiche.

…"So, Miss Mammon!" The jovial male voice on the radio said, "Yule tide is over and a faithful few out there is now trying to burn off that Christmas ham by our common friend Richard Simmons' revered method of torture; jogging!"

"Now that is torture, Mr. Blazkowitz!" the sassy young lady's voice exclaimed.

"What is your way of getting rid of unsightly excess blubber, Miss Mammon?"

"That's an interesting question, Mr. Blazkowitz, but the answer is more exciting still! I cleanse my system with a huuuge pile of chocolate ice cream. Last time I did a cleansing like that, I went back to my birth weight!"

"Whoa! How can chocolate ice cream do that?"

"It's simple. The ice cream is sweetened with a laxative. Eat all you want, it doesn't matter, because when this baby's done with your system, there won't be any _matter_ left to speak of."

"And here we go with the poo jokes again. You listeners out there may be grossed out, buy _I'd _buy it for a dollar!"

Luigi and Toad fell asleep and landed in their plates.

"Well," Peach scoffed. "I never realized they hated vegetables _that_ much."

"No, no, Princess; it was _lovely_," Mario cleared his throat, like always did when lying. "Can I have the recipe?" He looked at the kitchen shelf.

Peach beamed as she rose from her seat. "Thank you, Mario! But the recipe's in another room. I'll find it. And tomorrow I'll bake you an upside-down cake."

She gave him a tender kiss on the forehead, and he blushed. And while she got ready for bed, Mario volunteered to do the dishes. He was almost done when Toadette showed up in the kitchen.

"What's up? You look like you saw a ghost." Mario put the dish rag down and went over to it."

She tried to calm down by twirling one of her pink braids. "Toadsworth needs to see you, Luigi and the Princess _immediately_!"

Peach came out of her bedroom as she had heard the clamoring. "What's going on?"

"Your Highness, you all need to come with me to the conference room now!" Toadette jumped up and down.

"Can I please change first?" Peach asked.

"No time, just come here!" Toadette grabbed all of their hands and ran.

The conference room was full of Toads and Humans in their nightwear. Peach wore her favorite flannel nightgown and had rinsed off her makeup. She was grateful she hadn't had the time to put on her avocado face mask as well.

"Everybody, sit down, please," Toadsworth said calmly. He wore jammies with purple stars. "I have terrible news. Less than an hour ago, one of the volcanoes in Mountain Land erupted. Nobody was hurt, but the eruption lead to an earthquake, shattering the Dark Star Prison. Most of the prisoners have been taken into custody elsewhere, but some of them were not found, among them…"

"Oh, no!" Peach despaired.

"… Bowser. He's on his way here now."

And then, pandemonium broke out. Everybody panicked. Luigi exclaimed: "Mamma mia! He'll chow us down like leftover carbonara!"

"Calm down this instant!" Toadsworth banged his gavel, which he for some reason kept in the pocket of his bathrobe. It took some time, but eventually everyone settled.

"I wasn't finished yet. I have worse things to tell you."

"Worse? What could be _worse_?" Mario asked.

Toadsworth sighed. "I've learned that Bowser just kidnapped a Toad girl."

Peach's eyes widened, and her jaw dropped. She felt as if a ton of bricks had been dumped on her head.

"A Toad girl? Why?"

"I strongly suspect he is using her as bait to lure you, Princess, and your friends into a trap."

Peach shook her head. "But we have to save her!" She tied the belt to her robe. "And we're going _now_!"

The princess and the plumbers rode on Radar, who had become a regular guest at the castle. He landed on the ground just outside the borders of Dark Land.

"Is this as far as you'll take us?" Peach asked him with her gentle voice. Radar whooped softly, as if to say: "I'm scared."

"OK, that's fine. Wait for us here. If anything happens to us, I'll throw this Bob-Omb on the nearest lava pit. It's not a real Bob-Omb; it's just green fireworks. If you see it, go get help."

Radar whooped again.

The door to the castle was still broken from when Bowser was taken into custody.

Luigi was trembling as he kicked away a Koopa skull. "So, what's your plan, Princess?"

Peach took out a flashlight from her shoulder bag. "This is the closest castle to Mountain Land. All the other Koopa castles are under strict observation. If Bowser has taken the Toad girl anywhere, it's got to be here."

"If you're right, we'll find her. We've been here so many times I know this place inside out," Mario rolled up his sleeves.

The castle was the same as it had always been – dank, smelly and hot. The three friends started their search in the basement, where all the dungeons were. One of the dungeon doors were full of graffiti, probably made by the Koopalings during their stays there.

"I don't think it's a good idea to split up here." Luigi said nervously.

"We have to if we want to find the Toad girl and get out quickly. Don't worry," Peach reassured him; "We won't be out of hearing range."

Mario went right, Luigi left, and Peach started searching in the forward direction. Occasionally, she called her friends and asked them if they were fine. She was about to do it again when something caught her eye.

It was a portrait of the Koopa family. It was different from the ones in the upstairs foyer, as the painted Koopalings were just toddlers wearing spikeless cuffs and white scarves. Larry wasn't there, probably because he hadn't been born yet when the picture was painted. A big piece of the canvas had been torn right out, and Peach, being the curious young woman she was, couldn't resist straightening out a small piece which was still hanging down.

It was the hand of a Koopa woman, resting on Bowser's. It wore a big, yellow diamond ring. Peach frowned; could this hand belong to…

"_Help me_!"

A voice echoed in the dark, far away. Peach jumped; it was not Mario or Luigi, and it couldn't have been a Koopa. She realized it was a female voice.

"Toad girl?"

"_I'm here. Help me_." The Toad girl started groaning in pain. "_Koopa hurt me in here_."

"I'll find you," Peach was pale from terror. "Just keep talking."

Her flashlight broke as she had lost it when the voice startled her, so she had to feel the walls to make sure there was nothing she could trip over.

"I'm bleeding," the voice moaned. It was close by, and Peach squinted. There was a stream of light in the distance, and something was moving sluggishly.

"Oh, there you are," Peach said as she saw the little Toad girl sitting with her face hidden behind her knees and sobbing. She had a cut on her arm, probably from Bowser's claws, and a shackle around her foot. "Don't worry. The princess' throat was dry as sand. "I'm not alone. My friends are here. We're gonna take care of you. And… And make sure that you get home."

Something rushed past Peach, and set course for the Toad girl; it was a Magikoopa on his broom. The princess gasped; since the ugly clash with the evil Wizenheimer in the Forest of Illusion, she had learned not to mess with Magikoopas.

The wizard terrorized the Toad girl with powerful blasts of magic, and she screamed. Peach backed against the wall. "Mario! Luigi!"

"Coming, Princess!" Mario shouted, and the brothers took a shortcut through a warp pipe.

"Take this!" Luigi tossed a plunger over to Mario, who was closest to the next spot the Magikoopa would teleport to. Mario whacked the wizard over the head with it, and he disappeared with a shriek.

"You're safe now," Peach said, relieved. The Toad girl stopped sobbing, and she turned her face around. The princess yelped, the little Toad's eye were glowing red, like blood, and her face was pure evil. The fetter around her ankle turned out to be a furious Chain Chomp, who charged at Peach the moment it saw her.

The exits all sealed up with a deafening bang. The humans were shocked.

"Princess," Reishi said with her raspy voice. "So nice to finally meet you in person."

"Who are you?" Peach couldn't help but staring.

"I am the last generation born under your father's reign. One would think that was obvious. After all, your father was a horrible man."

"He was not!" Peach stepped forwards. "My father was a great ruler and kind to his people!"

"Oh, my, I hope he's not your inspiration," Reishi chuckled. "Then Bowser's efforts are unnecessary. Your people will be doomed anyway."

The princess was silent. Then – "You're a _Toad_ on _Bowser's_ side?"

"And what's wrong with that?" Reishi almost spat. "I would have starved to death if he hadn't saved me. Thanks to the great King Bowser, I now have a nice home, decent finances and a Koopa who loves me. Oh, Karmak…!"

She called. The Magikoopa the Marios thought they had defeated showed up. It was creepy, yet strangely hilarious to see the evil couple wrapped up in a passionate kiss. Karmak was one foot taller than Reishi, and lanky, so he had to lift her up and leave her feet dangling above the ground.

"You're injured," he said with loving concern, and licked her wound as his nature compelled him to.

"Dude, that's just wrong." Mario was about to gag as Karmak swallowed the blood from Reishi's arm; even the Chain Chomp turned away. She looked up, grinding her teeth as if in anger of the plumber's interruption. "Sweetums, please take the prisoners upstairs. When you get home tonight, we're gonna party like it's your birthday."


	8. A Tubular Slumber Party

"Again, brother, the Dream Theater is fully operational and running normally. It will not cause you any harm or pain." Iggy strapped Roy down into one of the slabs inside his machine.

"Good. Otherwise I'd have to cause harm and pain to you."

Inside its fearsome façade, the Dream Theater was separated into two floors; one for the subjects whose dreams were rendered into hard reality, and one for those who would face said reality. The floors consisted of two solid wheel-shaped beds which Roy had to admit were comfortable as any normal beds.

"Why aren't _you_ in bed, Iggy?" Lemmy looked up. He occupied the yellow part of the bed.

"Because King Dad told me to welcome our guests. Also, I have to show them to _their_ beds."

"Cool; is this a slumber party?" The Limerence – laced barbiturate he had been injected with was already working in Lemmy's tiny body. Iggy decided to screen his siblings' blood one last time, just in case anyone had received a dose too strong.

"A totally tubular one," Iggy said slyly and wagged his finger. "Now just…" He gingerly put his older, yet in so many respects smaller brother's head down on the pillow. "Lie down and relax. The rest of the party will be here very soon."

"OK." Lemmy's eyelids were so heavy he drifted off immediately.

The doors to Bowser's throne room were opened, and Iggy peeked out one of the stained glass windows of his invention. He didn't see anything good, so he climbed down and spied on the scene behind a column.

Bowser didn't roar at Mario this time, just sighed in contentment. For some reason, Mario and Peach both found this way more frightening. Reishi pushed them closer to him, before taking her place by his left arm.

"Thank you, Lady Linh." Bowser said almost affectionately. One can never be too careful.

"What's your big idea, Koopa?" Mario crossed his arms. "You're recruiting Toad girls now?"

Bowser smiled deviously. "What can I say? Whenever one of my own people wants to join the Koopa Troop that is great. But when I get one of my enemies' subjects to proclaim their allegiance to me… That's just _awesome_."

Peach had not yet recovered from the surprise, and she considered the scandal that would break out in the Mushroom Kingdom when her people found out about a Toad in Bowser's service.

"You can't keep her, Koopa. She's a Toad and the Mushroom Kingdom's laws against involuntary servitude…"

"Who said anything about involuntary, Princess?" Bowser interrupted, and Peach could see there was fire in the back of his throat. She grabbed Mario's hand, and a hint of jealousy flew across the Koopa king's face. "She was given a choice. No one is a slave in my household, and I never forget to reward those who are faithful to me. That's why when my ward Boom Boom was lonely, I made sure a partner was bred and raised especially for him."

Mario was disgusted, and it showed. "Grooming Toad girls _and_ playing God. You're quite the renaissance turtle."

"Yes, I am," Bowser said, oblivious to the plumber's sarcasm, "But who am I to take all the credit? Look who came home from the loony bin to greet you."

The fearsome Koopa king smiled jovially. "Come on out, Iggy. Don't be shy."

Iggy peeked out from behind the column, but didn't look all that keen on coming closer. Mario glared at him; the feeling was mutual.

"It's alright, son," Bowser said comfortingly. "These people are your friends."

The middle Koopaling just pressed his fists against each other and stared at nothing, but bared his dagger shaped teeth.

"He'll warm up to you." Bowser crossed his leg over his massive knee. "He has to, seeing that he's the one providing your new housing."

"Stop the gibberish, Koopa, and let us out," Peach barked, which was very unlike her. Bowser picked up on it also.

"Strange. That was very same thing your friends told me, I mean, when I trapped _them_."

"What?"

Mario suddenly felt the floor moving under his feet, and realized Iggy had pulled a lever, which opened a trapdoor in the ceiling above the plumber and the princess. It was a net, and contained within it was Princess Daisy, Toad, Luigi, Kylie Koopa, the Medikoopa twins, Toadette and Yoshi.

Mario turned to Bowser with disbelief in his face. "Why?"

"Help us!" Princess Daisy tried to tear up the net. One of the Koopa guards banged it with a spear, and hit Daisy over her fingers. She gasped in pain.

"Hey, you!" Bowser growled and got up from his seat. "I don't like my prisoners getting hurt, and I need these suckers to stay unharmed, at least for a while. Kamek!"

Kamek showed up out of thin air and conjured a cage around Peach. Reishi's Chain Chomp trapped Mario's foot in its jaws as he tried to jump up to rescue her.

"You Mushroom Kingdom –chumps have something that I want," Bowser grumped. "And one of you knows where I can find it. Mario can't help you now, Princess! There's only one way to save your friends, and that's through me."

Peach stared at him, infuriated. "Fine! But I get to take one of them as my cellmate."

Bowser chuckled. "Very well. Pick one."

The princess let her eyes wander over her trapped friends. "I choose Toad."

Toad was freed from the net and placed in the cage beside the princess. He took her hand.

"You will pay for this. I'll get you once and for all!" Mario shouted as the Koopa king dragged him towards the Dream Machine.

"Cool beans," Bowser said matter-of-factly. "But first it's sleepy night-night for you…" He turned to the net, and everyone inside it gulped.

"… And all your little friends."

Bowser approached them with a sinister chuckle, and everything turned black.


	9. Luigi In The Land Of Confusion

Luigi fell backwards down into an oblivion only illuminated by fantastic galaxy arms stretching on forever. After falling for a while, he realized that he was in outer space, but he was actually _breathing_. He turned himself around and barely avoided a clutch of mushroom-shaped asteroids as he drifted by. Before he could feel relieved about it, a black hole appeared before him, sucking him right into its center. He closed his eyes. The black hole spun him around like laundry in a washer, but before it made him too nauseous he was out, and the dark funnel spat him out…

Right into the passenger seat of a deep purple Firebird convertible with a painting of a leggy female Magikoopa on the hood. Luigi was surprised; it was as if the driver was waiting for him.

"_It's your one way ticket to midnight! Call it - Heavy Metal - higher than high, feelin' just right…"_

Luigi looked at the driver, who didn't bother to look back as he cranked up the stereo and took off into space. It was a young Magikoopa wearing a newspaper hat and red cat eye glasses. It was the seventeen year old Kamek, but of course, Luigi didn't know.

They drove over planets, shooting stars, colorful moons and a constellation that looked just like a long-haired woman with a puffy dress… The Magikoopa driver even took time to make an L-turn on Saturn's ring and honked at a school of interstellar Cheep Cheeps. Luigi looked over the car door, and a sight for sore eyes appeared before him.

"I live in this solar system," he said to the Magikoopa, who then geared and steered the vehicle downhill.

"Which planet?"

"The green and blue one." Luigi pointed at Earth.

For some reason, the Magikoopa knew which continent the plumber lived on, and set course for it as they descended unharmed from the thermosphere. The driver clicked a button on the wheel and opened a parachute from the trunk, before landing softly in the middle of Central Park.

"Phew," Luigi breathed out as they safely arrived in Brooklyn. He couldn't wait to feel solid ground under his feet. Magikoopa dropped him off outside his apartment building.

"Thanks for the ride." The plumber waved at him.

"Nothing to it," the Koopa wizard said nonchalantly as he took off into the sky again. There was a painting of a scantily clad female Magikoopa on the car's trunk.

Luigi collected his mail and entered his apartment. He kicked his shoes off went to get a beer from the fridge. There were none left, instead, he took a bottle of Yoo-hoo and went into the bathroom to draw a bath.

He splashed around for a bit, while listening to his mother's ranting about the neighboring lady's new haircut on the answering machine.

"… And not only is it a way to young look for her; she even had highlights put in!"

Luigi scrubbed himself between the toes with a loofah. As the messages died out on the machine, he became aware of another sound.

"Oh, fudge," he sighed. "Every time I try to take a bath the tub starts leaking." He dried himself off, put on a bathrobe and went to get his tool box. He pulled out the stopper, only to wait for minutes without the water level sinking. He reached into the tub; thinking he had to remove a hair clog or something. Instead, something yanked at his hand and grabbed him, sucking him into the tub and down the drain.

Luigi closed his eyes. "Here we go again…!"

"Tell us where they are!" The Koopa guards pointed at the ginger haired young woman by his feet.

"I don't know! I swear!" she recoiled and tried to cover up her bosom with the top of her yellow dress, which had been torn up.

Luigi came up from the ground via a warp pipe and witnessed the scene from behind a berry bush.

"If you won't tell us, maybe Princess Wendy can find a way to persuade you."

They grabbed her by the elbows and tried to drag her across the desert. Luigi saw a large stick in the sand, took it and ran over to the strangers.

"Leave her alone!" the plumber hit the two Koopas over the head with the mallet-like stick, and they blacked out.

"Thank you!" The young woman folded her hands gratefully. "I was as careful as I can be, but still they found me."

"Hah, they would probably have killed you too," Luigi said as he dropped the cane. The young lady was cute; with a slight tan and large, blue eyes. The parts of her that he dared to look at were frightened.

"What did they want from you, anyway?" Luigi scratched his nape.

"They were about to take me to Wendy O. Koopa, and I would have ended up there if you hadn't saved me. She wants to know the hiding place of the Tanookians."

"I can honestly say I have no idea what you're talking about," the plumber's eyebrows were as high as they could be without disappearing into his bangs. "But I'm gonna risk your opinion of me as a gentleman and tell you… I see everything."

She looked down and pulled up the few remaining rags of her dress with a yelp. "Well, I hate to break it to you, sir, but the suit you put on this morning was your birthday suit."

The lady took Luigi to her village. Her name was Daisy, and in the past she had been the ruler of Sarasaland, a desert nation, until the evil and greedy Koopa family conquered the Mushroom world and divided the empires between themselves.

"Who took over your kingdom, Princess Daisy?" Luigi asked. They were sitting at the kitchen table in Daisy's tiny desert bungalow drinking Peachy Peach juice.

"Wendy O. Koopa; Bowser's only daughter. One of her brothers took over Sea Side, which she _really_ wanted, and she blames me and my people for it." She finished her drink. "If you don't mind sleeping on the guest bed, I'll go to sleep now. I gotta get up at five to make charm bracelets with the rest of Wendy's slaves."

"Who or what is a Tanookian?"

He asked as Daisy went into the other room to put on a night shirt. She came back with a spare pillow and a blanket for Luigi.

"The Tanookians are a warrior race. It has been foretold by the staff of Eudicot that they will come one day to overthrow Bowser and restore peace." As he still looked confused, she added: "The staff of Eudicot being a magical object that can tell the future when used by a person of virtue. It's the polar opposite of the Oog Tar that can only be used by an evil, crazy person."

She made the guest bed. "Wendy O. has the Oog Tar in her possession, but she also wants the staff of Eudicot. She's one of the three Koopalings that can control the Oog Tar, and as she is also a female… chances are she can control Eudicot's staff as well."

Luigi sat on the bedside. "Do you suppose the Tanookians will come before she finds it?"

Daisy sighed and shook her head. "It's been ten years. Maybe the prophecy was a lie."

"Yet you believe it does have powers."

"Oh, yes." She sat down next to him. "Wendy O. might have placed my crown in her knick-knack shelf, but I'm still a princess. And Tanookians or no Tanookians, I have a duty to protect my people."

Luigi didn't like the sound of that at first; having been born and raised in Brooklyn had taught him two things; don't get involved, and look the other way. But not that day.

"I'll help you, Daisy." The worlds leapt out of his mouth.

The crownless monarch smiled and relaxed her shoulders. "Well, thank you, Real – Worlder. As you can see, I have nothing of value to give in gratitude, but…"

She put her hand on his. "If you see anything you want, name it, and I'll give it to you."

The plumber didn't normally hook up with strange women, and if he hadn't been so smitten with the desert princess, he probably would have adhered to that habit. But it had been a really long day, and the next day would probably be longer, so as Daisy held him close, he realized it was a better way to relax than taking a bath.


	10. Raiders Of The Oog Tar

**TSM: Yep, the right word would be "alternate". This story is about what the Mushroom World would have been like if Mario and Luigi hadn't stumbled upon it when they did, and as the title implies, it lampoons the movie and magazine Heavy Metal. I'm glad you enjoy it and have kept your mind open. By the way, I can't wait till you update your fics. ^^^**

The next morning, when the sun stood up over the arid, unforgiving land, Luigi and Daisy were already up, getting ready to work in Queen Koopa's charm bracelet factory. To protect themselves from the sun, they wore baggy overalls with hoods that, in Luigi's opinion, made them look like something out of _Star Wars_. Daisy had never heard of _Star Wars_.

"It's hard for me to understand how you can stay so calm considering you used to rule this land." Luigi said as they took the slaves' route to the factories.

"I'd be lying if I said that my biggest wish was _not_ to storm Wendy's castle, take back my crown and throw the spoiled bitch into a Sandmaargh's hungry chops. " She stopped talking as the Paratroopas by the entrance to the vast, scary-looking factory frisked them and equipped them with jewelry making tools.

Inside, the factory was loud, hot and noisy, and full of slaves sorted by species and category. Sea Side Koopas, who had in peaceful times been loyal to Princess Peach, refused to obey Bowser and the Koopalings when they took over, and those who weren't sentenced to death or prison were forced to work by an assembly line sorting coal in one of Wendy's factories. Incidentally, Luigi was now infiltrating said factory and saw the Koopas, their children, and the guards ready to correct them at any time.

"Humans are made to make jewelry and embroidery," Daisy explained, "As they have slimmer fingers than Koopas and Birdos. Actually, it used to be Toad women and girls who had the slimmest fingers, but they have been assigned… somewhere much worse."

"Where?" Luigi didn't think it could be worse than the coal line.

Daisy's eyes sparkled with tears. "I'd rather kill myself than "comforting" the Koopa Troop."

"Jesus," Luigi mumbled, appalled. He had the hardest time imagining the Mushroom World as the paradise it according to Daisy, had once been.

The bracelet hall was divided into two parts; one for making of bracelets and one for sorting, packing and shipping. Apparently, the bracelets were wildly popular in the Real World. Both sides had walls decorated with several pictures of Wendy O. Koopa; who made Luigi sick.

"It's all my fault, you know." Daisy took a place by a working bench that wasn't too crowded. "Suddenly, Bowser succeeded. No one ever did see that one coming, but here we are."

Luigi pretended to go through a box of bracelet materials. "Listen, if you need to blame yourself for everything, keep in mind that it's not too late to fight this. I promised to help you, and you have a plan, remember?"

She nodded. "Exactly."

And when the lunch bell rang, she introduced Luigi to the other people who were trying to make her plan a reality; Birdo the Birdo, who wanted to be a female Birdo, but in reality was not, and two tiny Koopa twins; Fern and Felix. But the latter still needed some persuasion.

"Actually, we're Medikoopas," Fern, or Felix (she and her brother were difficult to tell apart) said as they ate soup in unison. But we can't do anything anymore. Our wands were confiscated."

"You say this as if it's nothing." Luigi poured them water from his canteen.

"We can take it. And besides, any day now, Princess Peach will return and set us all free."

"Hah!" Birdo retorted. "You still believe that? Princess Peach is dead. Bowser murdered her; he said so himself. She's _not_ coming back."

"She's not dead!" Felix hissed. "Bowser's a lying sack of sh…"

"It's in our common interest that you keep quiet," Daisy hushed. She knew that some of the slaves eating in the courtyard fenced in by the factories were spies and professional eavesdroppers.

"We know that Wendy O. is digging for our Eudicot's wand somewhere near Muda Ocean. She told us so while trying to torture us into giving her its location. But we don't know where it is! No one ever told us. The only reason why my sister and I are still alive is because Wendy O. thinks they did!"

"You don't?" Luigi's jaw dropped.

"No," Fern replied. "The staff will only reveal its location to the next owner, in their sleep. A righteous owner, that will use its magic to do good. It can be anyone, not just a Koopa or Medikoopa."

"How are we going to get to Wendy's excavation site? They'll notice we're gone; especially Daisy." Birdo and the others started thinking carefully. Luigi then became aware of a situation across the courtyard.

"Poor thing," a Koopa Troopa said blankly and poked the deceased slave with a stick. "Must have been the heat."

"Yeah, yeah," the Troopa's partner snapped. "Let's just get'im outta here."

Luigi got an idea from the macabre scene. "Daisy. Where do they put those who croak?"

Birdo ate her lunch unmoved. "They wrap them in cotton shrouds and throw them to the Sandmaarghs. They don't realize that Sandmaarghs don't touch carrion and oh my God, you want us to fake our own deaths, don't you?"

"It's pretty waterproof. If we're confirmed dead, we can't be escaped."

Daisy agreed with Luigi. "Over a hundred people die here every day. I don't think they'll be suspicious if we go the way of the dodo."

And that's why nobody mourned either, when Daisy suffered a fit by the loading ramps. None of the Troopas felt anything when Felix passed out in the sun, or when his sister was crushed by a Thwomp. She even bit her own lip to make it look as if she had internal bleedings. Luigi was the last one to go, and hoped they had been milder on the others while bundling them up.

"Good night, sweet prince," the Troopas cackled as they hurled him down the dune.

He waited in the sand until he was sure they had gone away. Not that anyone would want to stay out there very long; the sand was indeed burning hot and this area smelled like corpse.

He got rid of the covering and took deep breaths of fetid air before starting to look for his friends. In order to do so, he had to push away several shrouded dead people. "Princess! Twins?"

"Here," Daisy's voice sounded faint. "Please get us out."

He cut Daisy loose. Birdo tore up her own sheet with her claws, and the Medikoopa twins, who shared one, gnawed their way out.

"Let's get outta here," Birdo said and covered her trumpet-shaped snout.

They started walking away from the ad-hoc necropolis. "It's only a mile back to town," Daisy pointed in the direction of Chai City.

"What's that sound?" Luigi asked. The sand under them was rumbling, and he looked down to see two massive, dark shadows form underneath the ground."

"Sandmaarghs," Felix said casually. "But like Daisy said, they don't chase carrion."

"But we're not carrion, are we?" Luigi asked.

Everybody stood still and stared at each other.

"Run!" Birdo screamed. They all sprinted towards the city, but it was really far away. One of the Sandmaarghs showed up from the sand and roared. It's pausing gave the others a little advance, but Daisy had tripped over a little cactus and was fighting the second one.

"Help me!" she screamed. Luigi turned around, but was blocked by the first Maargh, who made a big deal out of baring its teeth.

They were about to get chowed down when the twins showed up out of thin air and lifted them out.

"Hey, you _can_ fly!" Daisy exclaimed.

"Not for long!" They grunted in exhaustion. "You're… so… heavy…!"

They lost altitude and hit water.

"An oasis!" Daisy splashed the water. "Maarghs are afraid of water."

"Poor Birdo," Fern said, heartbroken. Birdo hadn't managed to escape the Sandmaarghs.

"Don't cry," Felix hugged his sister. "She's with Peach now."

Wendy. O; Queen of Sarasa Land beat her servant over the head with the snack tray, and cockroach wings flew all over the place.

"You call this chocolate covered? I want it _swimming _in chocolate!"

"Yes, Your Detestableness," the Koopa muttered as he covered the mushrooming lump on his forehead.

"Karmak!" Wendy screamed, and the young Magikoopa showed up. "What is it, Your Highness?"

"How's the excavation of Eudicot's grave going? Finding anything?"

Karmak looked at the pictures he had taken from the tomb of the Empress of Medikoopas. "The hieroglyphs show many, many references to the staff of Eudicot, but you need to remember that the tomb itself is several hundred square feet. If the key is hidden there, it could be anywhere. As soon as we can open her sarcophagus, we might find better clues."

"Prepare my Koopa Clown Car," she demanded. "I want to oversee the exhumation."

Karmak bit his lip together. Before Bowser's grandfather took over the old realm of the Magi – and Medikoopas, the Magikoopas had also revered the sacred queen Eudicot and humbly adhered to her codes of charity and industry. Although he now adhered to Bowser's codes of brutality and greed, more out of fear for his life than reverence, he couldn't help objecting.

"Are you sure you want to do this? There are several other objects that can give you the power you want – "

"But none as powerful as that old witch's staff!" Wendy spat at him, and Daisy's crown almost fell off her inflated head. "And my stupid brother Ludwig threatens to take the Oog Tar. He also knows that if it's put together with the witch's staff, I'll be all powerful. The Oog Tar is its missing gem."

Luigi and Daisy were hiding behind a statue of Wendy dangerously close to her fearsome throne. Everything in her castle was either pink or peach and polka – dotted; the lighting was ambient, and there were paintings of her everywhere on the stone walls. He could also see a glass object glowing and hovering over a small stone table. It was probably the famed Oog Tar.

"I have a plan," Daisy whispered as the two Koopas disappeared. "It's no secret that Wendy and her brother Ludwig are on less than friendly terms." She took the Oog Tar from its table. "I think we should plant this thing in Ludwig von Koopa's castle."

Luigi smiled warmly. "Are you a lunatic?"

She held out the object, and Luigi backed away from it. "The Oog Tar's not glowing, is it? As long as the staff of Eudicot is safe, Ludwig can't do squat with it. All we need to do is to make sure Wendy finds out he stole it before he even knows it's in his house."

"So where does Ludwig live?" Luigi snuck out of sight from Wendy's troopers.

"In his stepmother's chateau at Sea Side, but we're not going there yet. I have a sickening feeling that Eudicot's staff is hidden in her grave, and we need to find it before Wendy does…

One of the paintings on the wall stood out among the others. It depicted six of the seven Koopalings as very small children, Bowser young and almost handsome, and a large piece of missing canvas, the disembodied hand with the diamond ring…

"What?" Luigi asked. "It's just an old painting. Look; it's broken too."

"I know," Daisy replied. It's just so familiar, I… hm."

The burial sire of Eudicot looked now more like a construction site or a quarry than a landmark. Koopas, humans and Toads were roaming all over the place.

Fern took four less torn sand suits from her bag. "Put these on. We need to disguise ourselves."

Luigi scoffed as he put his costume on. "Going from slave laborers to grave robbers in one day. Our mothers would be so proud."

"Well, they don't know you're the only one who's faking it," Daisy replied as she tucked her long hair into her hood. The two humans grabbed their spike picks and got ready to leave for the tomb, as they saw the Medikoopa twins sitting on their knees in respect for Eudicot. The scene was conspicuous and it was only a matter of time before it drew attention to itself.

"Stop that!" Luigi straightened them out.

"I'm sorry; but we're about to raid the tomb of our most beloved ancestor. If our mom could have seen us…"

"She'd think you're both very brave and noble. After all, you seek to protect Eudicot's honor, not your own." Daisy hugged them. "She'd be so proud of you."

The burial chamber was more incredible than any museum Luigi had ever been to. The walls were decorated with paintings recording the history Eudicot was a part of, and had influenced and changed. The seal of the Medikoopas, the Mushroom Kingdom, Sarasa Land and Rosalina were found, but the two twins were not amazed by the beauty of the paintings and scrollwork.

"Look," Fern pointed at the wall, "All the traffic is wearing down the paint."

"Take it easy," Luigi exclaimed; fern was dangerously close to knocking a vase off a pillar.

"No; this is terrible! You think it's easy to paint all this? Consarnit!" she floated up to the ceiling and punched it in anger.

The tile she had hit turned out to be a JumpBlock. It broke and released a brass key.

"Hey!" Luigi exclaimed. "Look at this." He picked it up. "You think this is…"

"Ssshh!" Daisy whispered. "Let's just find the sarcophagus."

The twins took their hands. "In here." But they themselves were too afraid to enter.

Eudicot's final resting place was carved out of bare mountain, with a lid a tiny key probably couldn't budge. And it didn't.

"It's not working," Luigi said as he tried to unlock the casket.

"It does," Daisy replied. "But only a Medikoopa can do it." She turned to the twins. "Do you remember what I said about honor? Eudicot is right here. And she knows of your courage and good will."

Felix and his sister held hands as they always did when they were afraid. "OK, then. But we'll do it together."

They put their hands on each side of the key and turned it around. The lid opened soundlessly, and an aura of light surrounded them, and the shrouded body of Eudicot. She was holding a wrapped object, which Fern lifted up in shivering hands.

"There was no clue. The staff was here all along," Daisy said in awe.

The staff itself was made of gold, with an oval of gold on top, with four jewels in each direction, like marks on a compass.

"Who's there?" a booming voice resonated through the mausoleum, which was about to be closed up for the night.

"Take it!" Luigi hissed. "We need to get outta here."

"_Dimitte nobis_," Felix said as he closed Eudicot's tomb. Somehow they managed to sneak out unseen with the staff safely in Fern's shell.


	11. The Psychic War Veterans

**I don't want to reveal too much, but Toadette will show up in the last chapters, alongside many of the other allies of Mario and/or Bowser. The story is divided into chapters to make the story more "tidy", and the different character groups each tell their side of the story in a non-chronological order. I have the opinion that it makes the story develop better, believe it or not.**

_You see me now a veteran of a thousand psychic wars  
>My energy's spent at last<br>And my armor is destroyed  
>I have used up all my weapons and I'm helpless and bereaved<br>Wounds are all I'm made of  
>Did I hear you say that this is victory?<em>

The Medikoopa twins had found an abandoned fishing boat by the Muda Marina. At least, they had told Luigi it was abandoned. He doubted it. It must have been the obvious hot-wiring seen under the steering wheel. Daisy listened to the radio while Luigi came back up with their dinner; a crab and three mackerels.

"Sorry," he sighed. "It's not the time of day to go fishing."

"It'll do," Daisy said and put some coal on the hibachi. "As long as we don't need to ro sham bo for cleansing them?"

"We'll do it," Fern and Felix chirped.

Daisy had made dinner, and when the twins had helped themselves, there were still three fish and a crab left, yet the two were chewing with relish.

"What, you don't eat the entrails?" Felix asked. Daisy was actually too hungry to feel nauseated.

Luigi concealed a burp with his knuckles. "Alright, people. According to this map, we take the boat south for about eighty miles, then turn east, and we'll be at the Sea Side Marina. We'll have to lay low for the night though – it's dark and I don't trust the current."

Fern sighed and waved the staff of Eudicot despondently. "If I only knew how to work this thing."

"Why don't you?" Daisy said.

"Nah; I don't wanna risk setting the boat on fire. But maybe…" She twirled the wand; "This is helpful."

She made some circles in the air, and a Starman appeared. It ascended and surrounded the boat in a large dome of light.

"It's beautiful," Felix said and smiled. "And I think we can sail all the way there now."

Sea Side City, formerly a paradise in the Mushroom World, was increasingly becoming a wasteland. Since its ruler, Ludwig von Koopa, was only up during the night, and rarely slept; he had enchanted the sky and left the realm in a perpetual dusk. The atmosphere, when not clouded over, looked like different colored oils, mixing together in a dreamlike dance.

For the third time in 24 hours, Luigi and Daisy had to dress up; this time in ankle-length robes and aprons. They were infiltrating Ludwig's garden; a gift from his brother Iggy, who believed in Eastern Medicine and botany, while Ludwig was more into slicing and dicing.

The only thing they needed to do was to weed and trim flower bushes all day. That's what the other workers were doing. There was a wild hedge of yellow climbing roses growing over an old gazebo. While Daisy and Luigi pruned it, the Medikoopa twins carried the compost and looked around the garden to find an entrance to the kitchen, or basement.

"Hey, you there!" a Hammer Bro barked.

Luigi sighed inside_. "Well, we're busted."_

The Hammer Bro pointed to a mountain of potatoes across the backyard. "Carry those spud crates into the cellar pantry! Lord Koopa has strictly forbidden us to touch the roses!"

Toiling in Ludwig's garden took longer than Luigi had counted on, both because the mountain of potatoes was kind of big, and the twins could only share the load of one crate between themselves at a time.

When they were finally done, the overseeing Hammer Bro was busy elsewhere, and the gang could pretend they were taking potatoes up to the kitchen to make French fries; one of Ludwig's favorite treats.

"We'll go and find somewhere to plant the, um, football," Felix mouthed as they peeled potatoes. Luigi nodded and turned to the Koopa Troopa beside him.

"You're never gonna believe what we heard on the uh, slave ship," he said, taking on a shocked tone.

"What?" The other kitchen workers listened up.

"It's pretty radical news. I have it on good authority that Lud… I mean, Lord Koopa stole the Oog Tar from his sister."

An hour later, everybody in the Mushroom World knew that the Oog Tar had been stolen. Wendy already knew, but when she found out who the perpetrator was…

Fern and Felix had been looking for a hiding place all over Koopville Manor. They were about to hide it in an oven when Felix stumbled upon Ludwig's chamber. He showed it to his sister.

"Perfect!" She exclaimed. She took the Oog Tar out of her shell and placed it on a stool next to Ludwig's stone canopy bed.

Someone behind them cleared their throat. It was Ludwig von Koopa; retreating to his chamber for a couple of hours with violent video games and a bag of bonbons.

"Guards!" He said in a booming voice. "Arrest them."

The twins screamed as they were grabbed.

"We came here alone," Fern groaned. She was bleeding from the head and breathing heavily.

"You're a liar," Ludwig said condescendingly. "A lying little runt. This is what my _Vater_ told me would straighten up lying runts."

The Koopaling reached for a glowing red fire poker in an iron pot full of burning coal. His spiked shell covered up what he did to her, but Felix could hear a sizzling sound and his sister screaming in unimaginable pain. Her claws twitched in their restraint cuffs.

"Tell me who brought you here!" Ludwig snarled.

"Never!" she screamed.

"Fine," Ludwig von Koopa hissed and once more presented the branding iron.

"No!" She begged. "Not again, please!"

"Then tell me where your friends are! Or I will dip your face in battery acid!"

"Get your slimy claws off my sister, you crazy freak!" As a Medikoopa, Felix felt the natural urge to heal wounds as he saw them. To him, a paper cut on a stranger was a gaping wound, so what he felt when seeing his sister being tortured was just as agonizing as if he was the one being cut, branded and having his bones broken. Ludwig knew this, and it made him feel as if he was twelve again.

Luigi and Daisy, who had become worried when the twins didn't return to the kitchen, were observing the scene from behind a statue of Ludwig. Daisy couldn't watch Ludwig torturing Fern anymore; she leapt out from behind the statue. Luigi grabbed her and dragged her out of sight again.

"Are you _insane_?" he whispered. "We can't do anything until we're sure Wendy knows the Oog Tar is in his castle. That was _your_ plan, remember?"

Unfortunately, Ludwig had seen them in the corner of his eye. "Oh, _guards_…!"

"You'll never get away with this, you kooky Koopaling!" Luigi hissed as they were presented before Ludwig as he sat on his throne.

"I think I will. These _Dummköpfe_ by your side were caught in my bedroom." He arched an eyebrow. "With this."

The Oog Tar glowed as he touched it, proving his insanity and rule over its powers.

"So excuse me for not feeling threatened by you. You're indeed pathetic." He snapped his fingers. "Guards! I want them beheaded and thrown down the stairs of my podium."

The Koopa Troopas placed three stone blocks (Fern and Felix had to share one) and brought the prisoners to their knees.

"Any last words?" Ludwig asked as the executioner polished the blade of his axe.

"Suck my greasy taint, Koopa!" Luigi hissed; giving the appearance of self-confidence. Inside he was regretting a lot of things. Not calling his mom back, not visiting his estranged brother Mario, and not having been with Daisy one last time…

All of them lay still on the bloodstained blocks awaiting the cold, heavy metal when the doors to the throne room were flung open.

"Ludwig! You sneaky little bastard!"

Ludwig's eyes widened in dread. He turned around. "Schwester? _Schwester_, how lovely to see you."

"Cram it, beaver boy!" Wendy O. snarled. "You stole the Oog Tar! I know it!"

"I did no such thing." Her brother tucked the Oog Tar into his shell.

"Shut up! And give me the Oog Tar back, or I'm telling King Dad!"

The Koopa Troopa's attention had gone from killing innocent people to watching the siblings fight over a glass trinket that couldn't break. Daisy ripped the axe out of the executioner's claws and chopped _his_ head off.

"Oh my Lord!" Felix whimpered and covered his face with his sleeve as the head landed by his tiny feet. "What did you _do_?"

"No time," Daisy retorted. "We _have_ to go!"

Wendy had drawn the Medikoopa twins' wand. "Give me the Oog Tar, Snaggletooth!" she yelled and shot her magic candy rings at him. As Ludwig avoided the blasts, his eyes fell on his headless executioner, then the four friends, who were escaping.

"Oh, no, you won't!"

During the second it took him to conjure a cage around them, Wendy O. snatched the Oog Tar, who glowed much brighter in her hands than her brother's.

"It's mine! It will always be mine! I alone master the Oog Tar! I will be the Queen of the Mushroom Galaxy!" She held it up and let its powerful magic flow through her body and spirit, then looked down on the prisoners. "And Daddykins will be _so_ proud of me."

The twins squeezed themselves out between the bars. "We only have one shot at this," Felix warned his sister. She nodded, and inconspicuously flicked a bobby pin over to Luigi, who immediately started picking the padlock.

Wendy basked in her own pride as Fern grabbed the Oog Tar.

"Hey! That's _my_ Oog Tar!" she tried to hex the Medikoopa girl, but Felix seized the wand.

"Look, Fern!" He chirped happily. "We have our wand back!"

"Yay!" she clapped her little hands. "Now we can fly high and heal people and carry heavy things again!"

Wendy did have her own wand in backup, although it was no way near as powerful as the twins'. "I'm gonna cut you up and make Chain Chomp chow outta you!"

She pointed her magic at Fern first, and she dropped the Oog Tar. Felix, enraged by the thought of another Koopaling harming his sister, summoned a sand pit and a Sandmaargh under Wendy O.'s feet. She screamed and cursed as the monster devoured her in three mouthfuls.

Ludwig turned pale. Yes, he and his sister were bitter rivals, but he had never wanted this.

"Wendy!" He leant over the pit, and the Maargh burped. A bone hit the Koopaling's face.

"You'll live to regret this!" Ludwig snarled.

"Not in this life, you little freak!" Luigi yelled and tipped over a burning cauldron. The fire spread through the wood and tapestries, and soon trapped Bowser's crazed oldest son in a scarlet inferno. The quartet was almost out the door, when Daisy turned around.

"We lost the Oog Tar –"

"No time!" Luigi lifted her up. "We need to get outta here!"

They left the artifact behind. Daisy caught a glimpse of it as burning rafters fell over it with a crash… Luigi lead them away from Koopville Manor as it was rapidly devoured by ravenous fire, and when the house's windows exploded, Fern and Felix lifted their friends without a problem and flew away.

Luigi and Daisy had been together all night and all morning when they finally decided to get up from the fisher boat bed. They gathered wood to make a fire on the beach, and made eggs, toast and bacon. Soon, Fern and Felix came back from their flight across the ocean. They had delivered the Staff of Eudicot to Rosalina the Star Princess, who had promised them to hide it on a safe place, until the last Tanookian showed up.

"That was fun," Felix said and wiped his glasses.

"Yeah. It's been so long since we went to Rosalina for tea."

The siblings gave Luigi and Daisy an air show.

"Medikoopas are like Prozac to the eye," Daisy said. "They're like pixies. I guess you're gonna miss this when you're heading back home."

Luigi felt surprised; he hadn't actually thought of Brooklyn at all while in the Mushroom Kingdom.

"Actually, if it's alright, I wanna stay here with you."

Daisy tried to smile. "Are you sure? You know, thanks to Fern and Felix, we may have won the battle, but the war's still going on, dear. There's no end that I know. The Oog Tar is lost."

"It'll be found," Fern interrupted. "And not all is lost. My brother and I saved something else from Koopville Manor."

She pulled Daisy's gold crown out of her shell. "This is yours. You're again the ruler of Sarasa Land."

Daisy put her crown on her head, and had never looked more regal, even if she was wearing a Magikoopa's grey garb and a seared apron. "And I will assume that role. With Luigi by my side, if he wants me."

Luigi embraced her, and they kissed. "Of course I will."

Fern and Felix giggled. It sounded like two sparrows singing. "We'll be at your wedding! But we're going home for a while first!"

The twins set course for the lovely, blue sky, and the human couple could hear them laughing and talking until they flew behind a cloud.

"Thank you!" Daisy called after them, and they must have heard her, as a sparkling red Medikoopa -heart appeared glittering on the cloudless heaven.

Daisy rested her head on Luigi's shoulder. "Thanks."


	12. The Power of Limerence

**Now this is exiting, Miss Mammon!**

What is, Mr. Blazkowitz?

**This was originally the first chapter, and once its own one-shot, romance fic with G-rated drug use, boundless greed, Koopas making love and the exchanging of body fluids of different color/viscosity. However, nobody is really interested in such stories; at least nobody Miss Treacle or her readers could ever come to terms with. So now it's really more of a breather chapter between Luigi/Daisy and Mario/Peach's segments. Yes, I'm doing what my brother does by taking the ham out of a sandwich; saving the best for last. But this is still good; with some soft core lovin' and a serene pace.**

True! Please review if you will; it's the only chapter that has only original Koopa characters in it. As always; humble thanks to those who have reviewed. You're _this_ close to being credited on Miss Treacle's FF homepage.

**Oh, **_**Miss Mammon**_**! Nobody likes a brown-noser!**

Really? Well, brown – nose this!

* * *

><p>The press had gathered outside Koopa Village Town Hall for a press conference held by Mayor Koopley. After the death of Koopa Koot, the former mayor, everybody regarded Koopley as the best candidate, as he had survived ten years in the stomach of a dragon.<p>

The truth was that Koopley was becoming more and more unpopular. He had yet to achieve mediocrity as a ruler, and never listened to his people. When it came to reckless spending, however… Lately, a rumor had surfaced that he was secretly an ally of the evil King Bowser. In the beginning, nobody believed this, but now that some time had passed, their opinion had changed from "No way in Hell" to "I wouldn't be surprised."

The press were taking pictures and asking questions.

"Is it true that you're currently in a relationship with Kamella Koopa?"

"Are you or are you not Bowser's minion?"

"What about those awful Koopalings? Are you their _nanny_, or something?"

Kylie Koopa looked over the crowd. Oh, how she missed the asking of licentious questions and taking of pictures devastating to public figures' careers. Once, she was a well-paid reporter herself; she had been a proper artist with a camera and as she wrote all her interviews in shorthand, never missed a single detail. However, since the economy of the realms outside Bowser's smelly claws had crashed and burned, Kylie's paper, the Koopa Kronicle went belly-up and its company shut down.

The last three years Kylie had worked as a publicist, her main client being Mayor Koopley. He ordered her around all day; she was paid half of what the Koopa Kronicle did and she hadn't had a weekend off, well, in the last three years. She wouldn't have complained if she had been working for any other celebrity or public figure. It wasn't the long hours or $4 cups of tepid urine/coffee that drove her nuts.

It was all the claptrap Koopley ladled out all day, and how he demanded that she wrote all of it.

"Anyone who believes that I'm on Bowser's side…" He made a pause for effect; "Do not believe in a free Koopa Village."

Koopley turned away from them and walked down from the podium. "Kylie, come."

The crowd roared in disapproval, and Kylie understood them. She herself had written that line, and was surprised that there had been no reaction from Koopley regarding its tacky nature.

* * *

><p>Later that day, Kylie sat by her office desk with her head buried in her hands when somebody brutally tore her out of her afternoon sulk. It was Koopley, and the look on his face didn't bode well.<p>

"_Doesn't believe in a free Koopa Village?_ What the hell was that? !"

Now, there was the reaction she had expected. A little delayed, but whatever.

"I apologize, sir," she said.

"You'd better. The last thing I need now is to look more suspicious, and that cheesy sap didn't really help!"

Kylie's eyes narrowed. "I thought you _weren't _in cahoots with Bowser!"

"What's it to you?" Koopley retorted. "The only thing you need to know is that the only thread your career is hanging onto is the very string keeping your boobs from jiggling."

Oh, no, she thought to herself as he closed in on her. Not again. The final and worst part of her job; only being able to keep it if she slept with her boss. And she had been there before, just like all of the women in the City Hall open office. But that day, it was as if something inside Kylie gave her the courage to say no. She swept Koopley's hands off her plastron and tossed a right hook into his face.

She missed with her knuckles, but one of the charms on her bracelet; the crystal shaped like a jackstone, scraped his snout up pretty badly.

He wiped off the blood. "You're fired, bitch," Koopley snarled. "It doesn't end here. I'll make sure the highest rank you'll receive from now on will be "peach picker of the week"!"

Then, out of nowhere, the window to her office was shattered by a green warp pipe. It worked like a vacuum, and it dragged Koopley into its hole.

"I'm not going in there alone!" He hissed and grabbed Kylie's ankle as she held on to the window mullion. She was sucked in with him into the pipe, screaming; and she even lost one of her pink pumps.

Koopley arrived on the other side of the Warp Zone first, his rear end ensuring a soft landing for Kylie. They were inside a birdcage –like enclosure, being peered at by two Koopas.

"Oh, my, looks like you're busted, Koopley," the male, red-shelled Koopa with the burly arms clicked his tongue.

"Shut up, Boom Boom," Koopley barked and brushed some dust off his shell.

"Excuse me, what's going on?" Kylie asked, and was ignored. Another male Koopa, one donning a lime green shell, a lab coat and large glasses thick as coke bottoms came out with a cup of something that smelled like actual coffee.

"Aw, crap," he said exasperatedly. "Boom Boom, I told you not to pick this butthole up by Doomship! The Koopa Villagers are suspicious enough as it is!"

Kylie had never seen a Koopa like this green-haired specimen. She was shocked to realize that he was a Koopaling. She had never before been in the same room as a Koopaling, and honestly, even though the opinion of Bowser's awful offspring in Koopa Village was not a positive one, Kylie couldn't help but feeling a little star struck.

"I'm sorry, Iggy." Boom Boom said. He didn't look sober, or clean for that matter.

"Take Koopley to the dungeon. Then you go back to the bridge and tell Pom Pom to set course for the Honey-Hive Galaxy. Which is now a 20-hour trip, thanks to _you,_ ass!" Iggy snarled, and the ends of his jaw line reddened in anger.

When Boom Boom left with the treacherous Koopley, Iggy finally acknowledged Kylie. "Well, hello there," he said with a smooth smile, revealing his sharp, double fangs. "Who might _you_ be?"

She sighed in relief as Iggy clicked a button on one of the many flickering control panels on the wall, and the cage sank into the floor. "I'm Kylie."

" Kylie…" Iggy's tone was soft, and she kind of liked his voice; so delightfully... she didn't have a word for it…

"Would you please drop me off at my office? It's in Koopa Village."

Iggy shrugged. "I guess I could… the next time the Doomship passes through there in ten-fifteen months." Kylie was irritated. "Who's gonna collect my mail? Or water my plants? For God's sakes, mom will kill me if I don't show up to my little sister's pageant!"

The Koopaling named Iggy put his hand on her shoulder and walked her to his cabin. "Don't worry. Tell you what; I'm gonna crack up a bottle of organic absinthe. Perk you right up."

Kylie slipped her shoe back on. "Got any Diet Syrup?"

* * *

><p>Boom Boom spied on the scene. "How typical," he said dryly to his co-pilot, Pom Pom. "First Koopa Village chick on this ship in years and Iggy declares huntin' season."<p>

"You don't have to tell me," Pom Pom, one of the few females in Bowser's inner circle said. She looked at Boom Boom, who was rummaging through one of Iggy's compartments. "What are you doing?"

Boom Boom came back with a heart-shaped flask, a bunch of cotton balls and two blankets. "I just thought that now as Poindexter Koopa is gonna be busy for a while… I could break out the good stuff."

He held up the curious – looking, pink liquid. "How about a hit of Limerence?"

"It that C Double X?" Pom Pom looked suspicious.

"Nah; it's the good stuff, like I said. The stuff that _doesn't_ turn you into a slut."

Boom Boom opened the bottle, put a cotton ball on the opening and shook it carefully. He then ran the soaked cotton over Pom Pom's wrist, then his own.

"Ball trippin' time!" they said happily in unison as they sniffed in the powerful drug and felt it working in their bloodstream.

"Whoa," Pom Pom said in total awe. "Se-e-e-e-riously."

* * *

><p>Iggy's state room was bigger than Kylie's apartment and as well as being luxuriously decorated in Bowser – style, had large windows from where they could look at the galaxy. For a moment, she could have sworn she saw a car driving by.<p>

"Try this," Iggy Koopa said and reached her a glass of chilled, green… something, that tasted like pear. "Now, if you need a rest..." he brushed the throw pillows off his stone four poster. "Just take a nap here. I won't bug you."

She actually sat down on the bed, and Iggy signaled that he was leaving. "No," she objected. "Please stay. It'd be nice to talk to someone. By the way…"

She reached him her glass. "…I'd _love_ a refill."

The Koopaling was very content as he lay down on the other side. "Is it true that you Koopa Villagers wear _clothes_ every day?"

"Nah," Kylie said as she gulped down more of the strong drink. "It was worse when Koopa Koot lived."

"So he's dead, huh?"

"Yeah. And I strongly suspect that your friend Koopley smothered him with his fat ass." Kylie was now more than slightly tipsy. She turned around to look Iggy in the eye. Oh my, how handsome he was…

_Now here you stand, before my naked eyes,  
>My heart is pounding so.<br>If I should die darlin' in your arms,  
>What a lovely way to go.<em>

_I've got to have all of you;_  
><em>Little Darlin'!<em>  
><em>All of your lovin', all of your huggin', all of your kisses too…<em>

"I love Don Felder," Iggy said when Kylie was done nuzzling him Koopa - style. "Real World music is just awesome."

Her heart was indeed pounding _so_ as she mounted Bowser's middle child. "Then…" she said as she leant over to look him, "How do you feel about Emilie Autumn?"

Iggy took over as the one on top and pressed Kylie's wrists down into the pillow, and growled:

"How can anyone listen to that drivel?"

His answer made Kylie wrap her legs around him, and Iggy was astounded to see that she in addition to loving above the covers also did not kill the lights.

* * *

><p>Pom Pom was just finishing up her long, personal conversation with the long deceased Roy Orbison when the highest notes of the Limerence wore off, and she became aware of the sign held by a Rex standing on a meteor: HONEY HIVE CITY SPACE STATION – 300 yards NORTH. Please SLOW DOWN.<p>

"Boom Boom!" She said sluggishly, but her co-pilot wasn't responding; just drooling himself. She poked him, and that roused him. He sat up so quickly he dropped the now empty, heart-shaped bottle.

"Hey, man; you broke my Limerence – heart!" He murmured, completely stoned, and then he noticed the dock appearing. The Doomship was sailing way too fast.

"Whoa!" Boom Boom grabbed the steering wheel. If they dented the _Doom Dancer,_ their boss would have their heads.

* * *

><p>Kylie pulled away from Iggy, sweating and panting. "Dude. That rocked my world."<p>

"And it blew what's left of my mind." The Koopaling scratched his bed head. "But may I ask you, why can't you reconsider?"

Kylie sat up in the impressive bed and checked her eye shadow in a compact mirror. "Because you're a stranger." Her eyes sparkled playfully.

"So we're above sleeping with strangers, now, are we?" Iggy asked.

"Maybe not…" Kylie straightened her bow as they exited the bedroom, and headed for the escalators. "But marriage is a completely different thing. And by the way, is there a phone on this ship? I have to call my friend Mario and tell him about Koopley."

"Right here," Iggy said and handed her his cell phone. While she dialed Mario's number, the Koopaling pulled a syringe out of a secret pocket in his sleeve, and injected it right into Kylie's neck as her call was answered.

"Hello?" Someone with a Brooklyn dialect said.

"Wrong number." Iggy hung up and watched as the undiluted dose of Limerence washed every memory and ounce of free will out of Kylie's system. She just smiled vapidly as the ship crashed into a giant warp pipe before docking in the vast hangar.

"Nice landing, pinheads," Iggy snapped as they met the pilots outside.

"You're welcome." Boom Boom's eyes fell on one of the many neon signs in the floating space city. "Hey, Pom, there's a Burger King!"

"Gnarly," she rubbed her stomach. "I've really got the munchies."

They didn't have to wait long until Bowser arrived with Kamek. Kylie reached out a shaking hand.

"_Pressure_ to meet you, sir. I'm Kylie."

"King Dad," Iggy said blissfully. "I'm happy to announce that this lady and I are getting married."

"If we have a Lutheran wedding." Kylie hiccupped.

Bowser smiled overbearingly; trying to ignore the sex smell emitting from the two. "That's awesome. Good luck, you crazy kids."

Kylie took Iggy's hand as he wanted to show her his apartment;. "You're baptized, right?"

Bowser stared after them, and turned to Kamek. "Do I wanna know?"

Kamek shook his ugly head. "No."

* * *

><p><strong>That was the breather chapter! The next one will kick ass!<strong>


	13. Toadstool the last Tanookian

**As the title implies, this chapter focuses on Princess Peach, and soon, also Mario. It's the part of the story that I've looked most forward to write, so I hope you like it. **

* * *

><p>There is a forest in the Mushroom World that is completely impenetrable. This place is the home of the Tanookians; brave warriors and seekers of justice. No evil force can enter it for as long as Rosalina, called Star Breeze by the few still loyal to her, shall live, and her grace rest over its natives.<p>

In the beginning, the Tanookians had been many. Then, the ruthless King Bowser Koopa had overpowered the Mushroom Kingdom. After cutting down its ruler, Princess Peach, her allies fell one by one, and her world, once a beautiful place, was devoured by Bowser's unfathomable evil. From her seat among the Lumas, Star People, Rosalina ordered the Tanookians to defend the innocent, but the Koopa Troop became more and more underhanded the longer the war raged on.

There was only one left of Rosalina's chosen, who was not dead, injured or tired from old age. Toadstool, who was very young and still in training, was destined to battle Bowser at the Round Mound and if victorious, liberate the Mushroom World. But for many years now her caretaker, Toadsworth, had pushed back that inevitable day.

"I'm really getting the hang of this!" Toadstool happily exclaimed after finishing a very successful archery lesson.

Toadsworth nodded, although with some doubt; this was one of the very few successful lessons in archery under her belt. "Yes; you're doing great. When you have tidied up the equipment, come to the Great Oak. I've made parsnip soup."

The Tanookians did not bother themselves with creature comforts. Toadstool herself slept on a leaf mat under the open sky, as only full-fledged Tanookians were allowed in the temple. She owned no treasures; even the kettle she cooked her meals in belonged to everybody. The only thing Toadstool considered "treasure" was a strip of pink silk; which she used to tie up her long, blond hair.

Toadsworth, who was one of the few Tanookians still living, pulled off his day shirt to replace it with a night shirt. Toadstool bit her lip thoughtfully as he revealed the scars on his torso. Bowser himself had caught Toadsworth and wounded him half to death with his brutal claws. Which was why he had dreaded the event that took place right before dawn that day.

Toadsworth had woken up, and immediately thought it was a dream. But it wasn't – there she had appeared before him. Rosalina floated in her force field; graceful and beautiful unlike any earth bound creature.

"Star Breeze," he said in awe and put his glasses on in a hurry.

"Toadsworth," she replied, and her voice felt like a cooling wind. "You have trained her well, and I thank you. But now it is time for you to leave with me and let her assume her place between the sides."

The elderly warrior had let his eyes linger on the deeply sleeping Toadstool. "She is so young. All these years I've prayed that she would never have to face the world's cruelty."

Rosalina had then explained him that although someone left her forest, they never left her knowledge or watchful eye. Reluctantly, Toadsworth had agreed to send his ward into the world.

The girl helped herself to more soup, and he smiled at her. "I should make this stuff in gallons at a time."

"Exactly…" She looked up, prepared to return the joke, but the words died away. "Why is your smile so sad?"

Toadsworth took a deep breath. "Because this is the last day we'll spend together." he placed the Tanooki Leaf given to him by Rosalina on the ground. Toadstool picked it up in confusion.

"But I'm like, only sixteen! Why would Star Breeze send a kid to the Round Mound?"

"I'm so grateful that this is your opinion," Toadstool sighed. "But she was adamant. And she wouldn't have been if you weren't ready."

That evening, the doors to the Tanooki Temple were opened for Toadstool. Just inside its stone walls, she was stripped of her simple, grey tunic and made to swim across the narrow pool to the statue of Rosalina, where the ten remaining Tanookians were waiting.

They all equipped the young warrior with her new apparel, as the old law demanded. Her breastplate was secured to the belt with a gem buckle, and she put on the first pair of shoes she had ever owned. When it was over, she went down to the pool to see her reflection, and realized something was missing, until Toadsworth bound her hair in the silk ribbon.

"Wow," she almost whispered. "I'm a real Tanookian now."

Toadstool spent the rest of the night with her brethren, who gave her a tonic to ensure a pleasant rest. However, when the morning came, she abandoned the temple, and soon she approached the Forest's border. It was a great contrast to the wasteland surrounding it.

Toadsworth's last words to her echoed through her mind.

"_To smite the enemy and to restore freedom and peace; this is the pact."_

She reached into her shoulder bag and took out the armory she had been given; the ancient Staff of Eudicots. She crossed the border and for the first time, found herself in Bowser – land. She thought of Rosalina and the fear slowly vanished, just like the elder Tanookians had told her it would.

"Here I come!" She shouted into the night, which was probably not a good idea. "Whether or not you're ready for me; here I come."


	14. Dance Around The Evening Fire

**So, it's Princess Peach - I mean, Toadstool Tanookian's first day! Let's hope she doesn't screw up.**

* * *

><p>Toadstool cupped some of the water in the spring she had found and held it to her eye. That way, she discovered that if she had drunk it, she'd be poisoned. Her canteen wasn't empty yet, but she didn't want to drink it before she had found another safe source.<p>

Being in Bowser Land had its other problems. The Koopa King had banned Rosalina and her children from his part of the night sky, so now Toadstool couldn't use the stars to navigate. At night, darkness was total, when not interrupted by oily waves of surreal colors, or by day, a barren, unforgiving sun.

The Tanookian sat down on the ground and felt it with her hand. The poison was not in the ground, but the water itself. The plants in this wooded area were hydrated from a waterfall a couple of hundred yards from the poisoned creek.

Going on unnoticed in an unholy land such as Bowser Land for long is difficult. Even for Toadstool, whose talents included crossing a pasture without as much as bending a blade of grass. The untainted waterhole right in front of her was possibly frequented by Yoshis or Birdos, so her first mission in Bowser Land was to find and tame a mount.

However, uncontaminated water is rare to get by, and where it can be found, one will also find that there are many thirsty creatures fighting over it. Toadstool was very thirsty, but not prepared for the snare trapping her by the ankle, flinging her into the air and leaving her dangling upside down four feet off the ground.

The trap had been soundless. Toadstool's scream on the other hand, had drawn attention to itself by a pack of Koopas. She could hear them approaching. If they didn't cut the rope off, she would pass out.

"Look!" The Koopa Troopa boy pointed at the Tanookian. "An intruder."

His two friends came out where Toadstool could see them. "You mean; _dinner_?" one of them said ominously.

They untied the snare and poked her in the back with their sharp stone spears, although not talking to her. "There's enough of her to go round. Isn't it great? We're having meat tonight!"

In more fortunate circumstances, she would have fought, but while being trapped, she had lost her weapons. She decided to come quietly, as it appeared as if she would not be killed right here.

* * *

><p>The Koopas' home was an outdoor camp; not at all that different from the one where she had been born and raised. It was inhabited mostly by Koopas, although she could see Goombas, Chain Chomps and Shy Guys.<p>

"Hey!" She shouted. "I'm not your enemy, I…"

Two small Koopas with spikes on their shells brushed past her, and jumped right into the arms of a very large, burly specimen. What made him the most striking was his coloration; deep, hot pink. He was the biggest of all the Koopas, and Toadstool hoped he didn't have an appetite to match.

He hugged the two children, who were probably his young. "Go inside and tell your mother to come out for dinner."

"OK. Love you." The little girl's shell was yellow, and the son's; pink like his father's. Toadstool felt a strange tingling in her stomach; no one had told her that her enemies had children.

He then approached her. "Who are you? And what are you doing in my domain?"

She frowned. "Are you… Bowser?" Because he didn't look like it. If Toadsworth had met this one, the color would most likely have been mentioned.

The Koopa raised his eyebrow over the rim of his red sunglasses. "Yes; I am a Mormon turtle with no scruples or taste. Geez."

He used a claw to cut her out of the rope. "My name is Roy, and I'm one of Bowser's children. That was, before I abandoned him, his name and his ways."

Toadstool had taken off her glove to inspect her wrists, which were sore and red. "I thought you Koopalings were fiercely devoted to your father."

"We were, and I was." Roy showed her to a place near the fire, and made her sit to his left, while his wife's seat was to the right. She reluctantly greeted Toadstool, and wouldn't look in her direction. Toadstool herself bought that Roy had renounced Bowser, as the Koopaling had cut off his spiked collars, which are considered regalia and the mark of the highest status. His wrists were bare.

He looked at his family before continuing. "Kids, go play with the others, will you?"

They left and joined in on the dance around the evening fire, which included singing. The males were singing the lyrics and the females the vocals.

_This is the world we live in; o – o- oh,_

_And these are the names we're given; o – o – oh,_

_Stand up and let's start showing; o – o – oh, _

_Just where our lives are going to!_

"You know; I'm not the only one who left Bowser's household." Roy said as the song was over; it was one of his favorites. After the staff of Eudicot was stolen, and two of our siblings were killed, my brother Iggy also married and left. My older brother Lemmy joined a travelling vaudeville group."

"Whose side are you on?" Toadstool asked. "If you're not on his, are you on…"

"Neither. I'm on the side that has given me a safe home, loyal subjects, a beautiful wife and two kids that I love. Bowser is a cancer in our air, water and soil; he destroys everything he touches. And Rosalina can't help us. She's stuck in her own bubble; literally. That's why we live here, as anarchists in a militaristic world."

Toadstool wanted to object, but didn't, as she was not sure she could trust him completely. But she had an opinion anyway.

"I admire your people," she said. "Not many can live this far from Star Breeze and still not having given in to Bowser."

Roy was silent for a long time. "Star Breeze. I haven't heard anyone calling her that in ages." He lowered his voice.

"Are you a Tanookian?"

Toadstool didn't know whether to lie or tell him the truth. Nobody had prepared her for this, either.

"I'm on my way to Toad Town; Bowser City."

"Are you insane? ! You can't go there. It's the worst hellhole in the Mushroom World. I mean, there are lots of hellholes in the Mushroom World, but that one's the worst of them. It's full of Magikoopas, monsters , diseases and genocide. And then there's Bowser himself, who's never far away."

"And it's where I'm headed," Toadstool said, not budging.

"I can't let you." Roy was obviously disturbed by the thought. "Please. Stay here with me. I don't usually approve of the idea of having two wives, but for you I'll make an exception…"

"That's not necessary," Toadstool said with a smile. She had to admit to feeling just a little bit flattered. "But thank you. It helps knowing that I'm not alone, although I'm far away from my family."

Roy's daughter came over to them. "I'm tired." She curled up in her father's arms.

"I see. Although, I'm the worst catch, in case you change your mind."

She returned this by asking: "Do you have a safe place where I can spend the night?"

* * *

><p>Feeling rested is very difficult in a land that has no discernible dawn or sunrise, but Toadstool's head perked up as Roy's guards came back with her weapons, bag and bota bags now filled with water. Roy himself reached into his shell.<p>

"Although I think a sixteen-year-old girl going to Bowser City on her own is an exceedingly bad idea, this will guide the way."

His wife tied a long string around Toadstool's neck, from which a round, simple compass was now hanging. The Koopa woman took her place by Roy and leant her hand on his arm. Considering how possessive she was and how much time she had to spend warding off other lovesick women of the tribe, it was a grand gesture.

"That compass will get you safely through the desert road to the city; which is the only path not patrolled by Bowser's troops. You know you're walking in the right direction if the needle is between the red lines, also that there are no Sandmaarghs nearby. The city is twenty miles north from here."

"Thank you," Toadstool said as she held up the white, round compass. It was kind of pretty.

As she left the camp and headed for the desert, she thought to herself that it was indeed a land of confusion.


	15. Grace Of Rosalina

If sand was made out of anything, it had to be broken dreams and bad manners. This was not beach sand; it was desert sand, which by the slightest disturbance, floated up like sifted flour and landed anywhere humid on a person's body; preferably the eyes and lips.

Toadstool had spent most of her life practicing difficult exercises, and was physically light, but the sand and sun slowly tore her down. When she had finally reached the top, she drank some water. When she lowered the bottle, she saw mountains in the distance. Her hopes were raised; she had done the right thing by trusting Roy after all.

However, she counted the miles and realized it would take at least five days to get to cross the burning desert, as the road was completely flat with no dunes or rocks to provide some shade. The water would not last that long. Toadstool wrapped herself up in her tent sheet. Her shoulders had already been burned by the sun.

But on the end of the third day, she ran out of water, and the sky didn't look as if any cloudburst would happen any time soon. She kept on walking at night, hoping that she could shorten her water usage. But even though the night was cold, it was still dry. Soon, the dehydration made it impossible to go on.

As she lay down in the sand, she thought of the things she loved. Parsnip soup. Climbing the trees at night and gaze at the Lumas. Listening to Toadsworth's stories of a world not at war. She closed her eyes, and now she couldn't think of anything but her failure. Roy's compass showed the right way, the way to the mountains, but it was so far. Hopefully, she would succumb to the elements before dawn, but no such luck; the ruthless sun was already rising, and soon heated the sand.

She heard a sound ringing through her head, and soon, a shadow fell over her face. Great; to add insult to injury, she was now also hallucinating. Something dropped on her face, and she was torn out of her slumber.

It was a Roc; called Eagle Bird by the Tanookians. Which was strange, as none of them had ever seen an eagle before, or knew what it was. The sun made its bright yellow color shine like gold, and it whooped softly, before lowering its head and pushing the letter it had dropped over to Toadstool.

"_Brave Tanookian,"_ it read;

"_I have seen your suffering and now realize the extent of your mission. I deeply regret that I cannot physically be there to guide you through your hardship. So I have sent you Radar. He is the greatest of all the Rocs, and is now your loyal helper. You can trust him with your life."_

Toadstool glanced at Radar, who moments before had taken off by the sight of a scorpion, and was now routing through her bag looking for snacks.

"_I wish you good luck. Rosalina." _

"Whoa," she whispered. Never in a million years had she thought that Star Breeze would send her a personal letter. Her eyes fell back on the avian mount, who plucked biscuit crumbs out of its feathers.

"So you're the finest Roc Star Breeze has to offer," she said dryly. "You look like a runt to me."

Radar wasn't personally offended by this; to punish her, he ate her peaches as well.

"And you're fat around the belly. I guess the Lumas don't fly you as often as they should. That's gonna change." She took a seat in his saddle and took the reins. "You better know the way to Bowser City, because those were my last supplies."

Radar whooped softly, like he always did. Unlike most Rocs, he had a docile personality and kind eyes behind the ridiculous goggles Rosalina made him wear as protection from the arid land. He ran, and stretched out his wings before taking off.

"_Whoa_!" she exclaimed again. "Easy there, birdie!"

In spite of his extra poundage, Radar was really fast. Fast enough to make a cooling breeze through Toadstool's hair, and soothe her skin, which had been tanned by the sun.

When they had put the desert behind them, Radar took her over the clouds to cool her off completely. She could now see Bowser City; tiny anthill way down below them.

"That's where we're going," Toadstool said and pointed. "But you already know that, right?"

Radar tooted and circled the city for a safe place to land. He chose a dirty square outside a tavern.

Toadstool was now inside Bowser City. Her first impression was that it was best to lay low; by the time it took her to secure Radar to a post outside _Mario and Toadette's Tavern_, two murders had been committed and whatever that middle-aged Koopa was doing to the Goomba streetwalker behind the dumpster was not at all something she wanted to rest her eyes on.

Roy was right about many things; Bowser City was a hellhole, and Rosalina's forest had never seemed so far away. Don't misunderstand - forest life was no ballet camp. Toadstool had exercised hard, practiced tirelessly and been expected and encouraged to demonstrate the utmost discipline in every respect of her daily life, but the forest was _safe_. Here she didn't even have that.

The door to the tavern was flung open, and a thirty-something human male tossed a Koopa Troopa out of its face. "And stay out, you pest!"

Toadstool was reluctant as she entered the bar and took a look around before sitting down at a stool by the counter.

"What's your pleasure, young lady?" the human asked. He had curly, dark brown hair, a large nose and blue eyes, which were intense, but not unfriendly.

Toadstool was hungry as a horse, but she was broke. "I have no money," she said, and hoped he wouldn't show her the door because of it. "I just need to get out of the sun. Unless you can open up a tab…"

"Tab? That's _hilarious_." Mario chuckled.

She was thoughtful for a little while. Then, she reached into her belt and pulled up her compass. She felt bad about it; seeing as it was a gift from Roy; a valuable one, but she was famished, and if Radar stole food from strangers, they were bound to draw attention to themselves.

"Trade you this for a plate of parsnip soup, a pitcher of beer and a bag of feed for my bird. Also, I need a place to sleep tonight." She put it on the counter.

Mario's eyes widened. "Where did you get _that_?"

The tavern wench, Toadette, was pouring beer six feet away and couldn't help eavesdropping.

"A dear friend of mine gave it to me," Toadstool said, "And I deeply regret having to part with it. It's not as if these things are easy to come by, but I'm starving."

"This is Roy's compass. He's a friend of yours?" Mario nagged.

Toadstool abdicated and put her head on the counter. "Quid pro quo. I'll tell you _anything_ if you'd just feed me!"

"She has Master Roy's compass?" Toadette asked; a little too loud. Mario wanted to shush her, but she was kind of thin-skinned.

"Toadette, this young lady says she has a bird outside. Why don't you take it to a single stable and give it a bag of our finest feed, and some fresh water?"

The Toad girl saluted him before leaving.

"What's your story?" Toadstool asked as Mario made fresh soup.

"I came here ten years ago looking for my brother Luigi. It appears as the pipes in his Real World house was a portal here."

"Did you find him?" Toadstool was given a pint of beer, which she quenched her thirst with.

"No, but I know he's OK. He lives in Sarasa Land with Princess Daisy." Mario chuckled. "The idiot actually managed to get in trouble two seconds after arriving here. First he infiltrates a forced labor camp; he raids the grave of an old queen for a magic wand, slays two of Bowser's children and gets half a kingdom. He's a living legend around here, I found out that when I got here. What do you know – some of his fame came my way too. So here I am, standing in my brother's shadow while trying to make a living in this dump." He breathed on a glass before polishing it.

"Why didn't you leave as soon as you found out he was OK?" Toadstool asked.

Mario smiled. It was a sad smile; one she realized was the only kind of smile encountered outside Rosalina's forest. "I was about to, but then I met Toadette. The women of this town have survived the worst atrocities you can imagine. I came by just in time to keep her from becoming another wounded bird in Bowser's aviary. Me staying here is the only reason she's not there right now."

"That's incredible of you."

Mario sighed. "She's still a slave. But she told me that one day a savior would come and set us all free. A Tanookian warrior."

He looked right into her eyes. "You."

Before he could say anything else, he had to rush over to the corner table with a fire extinguisher, steel baseball bat and a copy of "Girl, Interrupted"; a violent brawl had broken out between a dozen Koopas.

The feeling of "unreal" struck her again, this time more powerful than ever. The reality of the situation hit her over and over; this was already not just big, but huge! And if she felt this way about two knifings and purchase-only oo la-la, how would meeting Bowser in real life be?

She sighed and ate some more soup, while hoping Bowser wouldn't find out about her arrival until she felt ready. In the meantime, she decided to help Mario wipe blood from the tavern walls and stick close to him, and that nothing was more important than having friends.


	16. Toads Of The Round Table

After Mario closed up the bar, he took Toadstool back to the house he shared with Toadette. He made enough money to afford better housing than most of the citizen's of Bowser's own city. It was strangely ironic how this meant Mario had a perfect view to his reviled sovereign's castle.

Toadstool saw its spires and intimidating battlements, and below; the dreaded Round Mound where the Koopa king scattered the remains of his opponents as he conquered them.

"Lingering in the streets is a bad idea," Mario said and led her inside the bungalow. "Make yourself at home. There's someone here who wants to meet you."

She sat down in the armchair in Mario's modest living room, and wagged her finger at Radar, who gazed tenderly at the cookies on the breakfast bar. She must have dozed off, she reckoned, as there were now voices coming from the other room, without her having seen anyone walk through the living room.

"Mario?" Toadstool leant against the door. "Are you there?" she opened, and found her new friends, surrounded by others who had come up from a trap door. As soon as they saw her, the room turned dead silent.

"Our savior is among us!" One of the Toads declared, and they bowed humbly before her. However, some of them did not participate in this curious greeting; Mario, Toadette and a Koopa Troopa with a bright blue shell.

"Yes, I am Toadstool of the Tanookians." She put her hands together, like she always did when she was nervous. "Obviously I'm here to rescue you."

"Prove it," the Koopa retorted.

Mario intervened. "She found Roy's fountain and was taken into his family immediately." He put the compass Toadstool had been given on a table for them to see. "She's the real deal."

"What's her plan?" A Toad girl wearing a black mini dress reached up her hand, but immediately had to cover her mouth with it. She coughed. "And why is she here now?"

Toadette looked up. "She's here to help us, Lamella. Stop being so negative."

"You know, I'm standing right here…" Toadstool started, but was interrupted by Lamella.

"Yeah; now. That's convenient. I waited all my life for this day, and when our so called _savior_ decides to come, it's too late for me, and it's already been too late for almost all my friends."

Toad, the one who had announced Toadstool when she entered the secret headquarter, grabbed Lamella by the arm; although hesitantly. No one else seemed to want to touch her. "I think you need to rest."

"Let go of me," she hissed. Toad dragged her out of the room and after placing her in the guest bedroom, washed his hands for ten minutes before returning.

* * *

><p>"I do apologize on her behalf," Toad meticulously rubbed Antibac gel on his hands. "She used to be a fighter, but then she was sold to a Koopa wizard who made her sick."<p>

"You talk about it as if it's normal and acceptable." Toadstool felt so guilty.

"It is normal, o savior," the Koopa interjected. "Almost all Toad and Koopa Village girls know they'll be sold sooner or later. If they get sick, it's their problem."

"People shouldn't treat them like trash anyway." Mario said. "But this is not why we're here tonight. Now that Toadstool finally walks among us, we can bring out the scroll."

Toad and Toadette rummaged through the crates in the basement headquarter while the other sat down by a round table. It had a symbol depicting three little mushrooms and looked very familiar.

"Here it is!" Toadette chirped. "I knew it was!"

"I knew it too," Toad scowled.

The scroll was in fact a long, delicate strip of paper, much like a receipt, found in one of the two rooms in the wooden box. Whatever the text on the paper was, it was written in steno and illegible to outsiders. Mario took Roy's compass and carefully jimmied the two parts open with a butter knife.

"What _are_ you doing?" Toadstool asked.

"This is how I knew you were the one," Mario replied. "This is the key to unlock the secret of whatever's in this box. It was written by my friend Kylie Koopa before she vanished. Nobody knows where she is. But she left me with the scroll and the box, and she tossed the compass – excuse me, translation disc into Roy's fountain."

"How did he know where to find it?"

"She wrote it on the rocks and then told him where to go." Mario quoted Kylie's favorite song.

"OK," Toad said adventurously as he slapped down a map of Bowser's castle. "This is where Koopa lives. That's his bedroom, the throne room, sitting room and the kitchen he refurbished _to the nines_ last year."

"I hated that snooty licorice – theme," Toadette retorted. "They have perfectly good kitchen models at IKOOPA."

Toad ignored this and turned to Toadstool. "Why risk your life in battle, when you can sneak into the enemies' castle and slay them there?"

"Because it's cowardly, Toad. Bowser – cowardly. I don't operate that way. And besides, I don't think it's a good idea."

"It's a gist of a good idea." Mario drummed his fingers pensively. "You don't have to kill him, well, _yet_, but you could leave a strong message."

Toadstool got and started pacing. "Then what I need is a good diversion." Toadstool thought of what she had seen in town. "I realize that it would have to be big enough to call Bowser's attention to itself. If it does, we'll have the Troop's as well."

Toad crossed his arms over his chest. "I could jog around in the street and shout "Frank and beans" if you think that's helpful."

Mario scoffed, but his expression was friendly. "I think we proved that it isn't on Bowser's last birthday."

"We can make him an offer he can't refuse, and then blow up his castle!" Toadette stood up on her stool, which didn't add much to her height. Everybody stared at her; the little waitress still had a lot of surprises up her sleeve.

"It's not stupid!" she said in indignation, as she interpreted their silence as accusatory. "It won't kill him, but it will definitely set him back, you know, artillery – wise. He'll meet Mario at the Round Mound to accept the gift, and when you're safely away from the castle…"

Toadette waved her arms vigorously. "… Bob - Omb; Bob – Omb!"

"I'm in," Kooper said; finally stepping up to the plate. "But what can we offer Bowser that he doesn't already have?"

"We could offer him whatever's in this box." Toad fingered with the complicated lock. "You know the Koopa family. They're not exactly sharp as tacks, and the ones that are, are nuts."

"Bowser may not be a rocket scientist, but he's not stupid. He won't come out for a sealed box, he just won't."

In the meantime, Mario had finished decoding Kylie's records. "It won't be a problem. I have it on a very reliable source that whatever's in this box happens to be at the very top of King Koopa's wish list."

The coded lock was opened, and inside was a sight Toadstool had only seen in books.

"Is that…"

"The Oog Tar, yes," Mario said in awe. "No one knows its true purpose, but it can be used to amplify any black magic. Bowser doesn't get that the only way to control the Oog Tar is if one has the Staff of Eudicot as well. I've kept it safe until I knew what it could be used for."

"You mean this?" Toadstool took out the Medikoopa Queen's wand from her bag.

"Awesome," was the word said in unison.

"The Koopa Troop has searched all over the galaxy for these artifacts," Toad began.

"And now it's time we give it to them," Mario finished and closed the lid to the box. "Anyone have any festive wrapping paper?


	17. Sleeping With The Enemy

**I'm sorry to disappoint some of you, but Mario x Peach does not take place in this chapter. Be wary still – the nasty is being done a lot here. It's a disgusting chapter, full of decadence, but bear with me. **

* * *

><p>The gang split up at noon and set course for the castle.<p>

"Every day after lunch, Bowser spends some time in the old princess' winter garden with his court," Mario explained. "It's our chance to approach him in person while you sneak into the castle with Toadette. Kooper will take Radar and the cart there."

Toadstool nodded as she disguised Radar as a food delivery bird.

"Gotta warn you though," Toad said. He had put on a micro dress, high heels and was now caking on the makeup. "You gotta act fast. Bowser's got the attention span of a toy poodle. And there ends the few comparable traits."

Toadette and Toadstool hid under the tarp covering a giant pile of frozen steaks. It was an uncomfortable, noisy trip; however, Toadstool wished it could have lasted a little longer. She could hear a song in the distance, and peeked out through a hole in the tarp. Kooper was taking them past an area which was fenced in by glowing razor wire. The yard was full of prisoners; male Toads working their fingers to the bone.

"_I lift a thousand winters_

_On shoulders sore and numb_

_Awaiting my savior_

_To come to me below._

_Your promises are sweet words_

_Yet I feel the mourn;_

_So dreadful, vast – superior!_

_To me a lie well born."_

"They dig wells," Toadette whispered. "Fresh water is always scarce this time of year, and it'll be winter soon."

Mario and Toad pretended they hadn't seen the cart, but put their eyes on the guards outside the castle gates. They glowered at the two, and lowered their spears to a perfect stabbing height.

"What's your business here?" The Hammer Bro poked Mario. It hurt, but he was determined not to let it discourage him. Toad was cold-sweating through four layers of white foundation.

"I bring a gift for the King of Koopas." He lifted up the box.

"And what about her?"

Toad was poked too, although with the handle. Now he looked green under the four layers.

Mario pulled "her" close and grabbed "her" rear end. "She" made a false, surprised yelp. "If King Koopa isn't satisfied with _this_," he held up the box; "I can't be empty-handed."

The gates were opened, and Mario sighed on the inside from relief. They were brought behind the castle to the creepy jungle Peach's winter garden had grown into. The windows were covered in grime that deprived the plants of light, and had turned them black.

Bowser Koopa was a terrifying sight. His teeth, spikes and muscles were bad enough. The worst was the blood staining his hands. It was a tired old metaphor; Mario knew this and normally he didn't fall victim to such superstitions. But he could feel it now as the usurper stared right at him, through eyes that incidentally were also like blood.

He raised the gift box with slightly trembling arms. "A gift for His Awfulness, King Bowser Koopa," he declared.

All the court laughed viciously. Even Bowser snickered. "Really? Cool beans." He shifted I his seat to see better. "I'm very tempted to accept. And to give you the honor of opening it for me."

Toad held the box as Mario tore the wrapping off. He took out the Oog Tar, who absorbed the barren sunlight, but didn't glow on its own in Mario's hands.

Everybody "ooo"-ed. Bowser's greed was enticed by the artifact. "The Oog Tar," he said in wonder, but quickly snapped out of it. One didn't keep a crown for fifty years by being sloppy.

"And who, might I ask, is the benefactor?" King Koopa took the Oog Tar, which then started to glow, although faintly. Bowser was more evil than demented.

"This thing has been in my family for years," Mario lied. "It was not until very recently I found out what it really was, and how much you wanted it."

Bowser rose from his granite daybed. "Intriguing. Because _it was not until very recently_ I discovered two stowaways trying to make away with my Bob-Omb supply."

Mario felt his stomach vanishing. "Wh-what?"

"Oh, I'm sorry," Bowser chuckled. "Didn't mean to bother you with my troubles. It's just that I couldn't help making the connection between a Tanookian warrior appearing in my castle one hour and the very artifact that can give me power over the entire Galaxy being offered to me freely."

Bowser snapped his claws. "Bring them out," he snapped.

Kamek got up from his seat by King Koopa's side and conjured the bound warrior and Toadette.

"Mario!" Toadstool gasped.

"Toadstool!" Mario dashed forwards to try to rescue her, but was blocked by Bowser.

"What a _day_," the Koopa king said wryly. "I finally get the Oog Tar all to myself, and I find out that the only one who can destroy me comes to my city. And I didn't have to spend any resources finding her; as she wanders willingly into my home."

"This isn't your home!" It escaped Toad before he could think twice. "This is _Peach's_ home. You just parked your fat Mormon ass in it."

Bowser clenched his fists in fury. "Would everybody just STOP with the Mormon jokes?" He thrust a beefy claw at Mario and Toad. "Throw these do-gooders to the dungeon!"

He cooled off before turning to Toadstool. "Now, tell me this, Tanookian. " He went so close she could feel his smoky breath on her skin. "How is it that I can cut down the Princess and all of her allies who dared to stand up to me, yet your kin has slipped away all these years?"

Toadstool was more disgusted than frightened of him. "Because we believe in the power of Star Breeze. And I never for one second believed that I could sleep with the enemy."

A weird, crooked smile tugged at Bowser's ugly face, and it was rather unpleasant. "Really?" He said sarcastically. "That's _damned_ shame. Guards!"

Koopa Troopas armed with crossbows dutifully climbed the podium. Bowser pointed to the left. "Take them to the Aviary. Then, we'll see who sleeps with whom."

* * *

><p>The women of Bowser's castle were all the lowest of his staff; even below the cooks. When their working hours were over, they were all fittingly confined to the lowest part of the castle. To add insult to the women's unimaginable injury, this place bore the humiliating name "The Aviary".<p>

It was a dark room with a high ceiling; Toadstool couldn't see it, but had no walls other than giant brass bars encircling the many tattered beds to which Toad and Koopa women were chained two or three at a time. In reality it was a bird cage.

Toadstool and Toadette's legs had been shackled to the bed's foot board by an awkward, gangly Magikoopa who now took notes of their height and appearances on a clip board. The Aviary's overseer was a Toad woman, wearing Bowser's emblem on her dress.

"Karmak!" She taunted. "My ta-ta's won't rub themselves in with cupcake frosting, you know."

"That's _not_ right," Toadette said as the couple started doing a series of revolting displays of affection up against the bars. Everyone else in the room seemed not to care.

A little, cold hand touched Toadstool's lower arm, and she jumped. It was a tiny, tiny Koopa girl.

"Are you Toadstool?" She asked with a shaking voice.

"I am," the Tanookian replied.

"Then you must come with me. Lady Linh says that tonight it's your turn to entertain King Bowser."

Toadstool's jaw dropped. "I'll do _no_ such thing!" She was stunned.

"You have to!" The Koopa girl was stunned too; that she dared to say no was too much to stomach. "It says here that first we have to bathe, perfume and paint you before you're presented."

"I can always spot the newbies." Chanterelle, the Toad girl who painted all the women of the household said as she put makeup on Toadstool's eyes. The Koopa girl combed her hair and sprayed it with _Alien_; a strong and very spicy Real World fragrance. It made Toadstool nauseous.

The bath house was made into a pleasant place with cushions, pictures and wicker furniture belonging to the previous owner of the castle. It was relaxing for the women to be taken care of by Chanterelle, who was very compassionate given her circumstances.

The Koopa girl took the plastic cap of one of the syringes she kept hidden in the bath house. Toadstool recognized the substance immediately. it was Limerence; the drug world's own trans fat. The Tanookian Elders had warned her vehemently about it; it made one's brain look like a septic tank after very short time of use. But for Bowser's courtesans the drug was a necessity.

"Want me to slam you?" she asked. Toadstool shook her head as she saw the girl's copious track marks. "I'll pass."

* * *

><p>Toadstool was dressed in an off-white slip before she was taken to Bowser's chamber. She couldn't see him anywhere in the dark room. However, her eye was caught by something. There was a torn painting in above the lit fireplace. It had caught her attention because Roy was in it, but also because it was too familiar to ignore. The feeling was strong enough to divert her sharp Tanookian focus from Bowser, who was standing right behind her.<p>

"How nice of you to show up," he said in a tone he must have thought was suave. "I like that dress."

Through her despise, she now felt shame. What would Toadsworth say if he could see me now?

Bowser carried her to his massive stone bed and removed her flimsy clothing, resting his clawed thumb between her breasts. Trying to escape was not an option; he could kill her by simply pressing his fingers into her back.

"My, you _are_ beautiful." He pulled her close, and she instinctively struggled.

"Don't touch me," she hissed through her teeth.

"We're a little past the point of merely touching." He grabbed her wrists and with one hand, then restrained them to the pillow, rendering her helpless against his hundreds of pounds of pure muscle.

"You know," he said callously. "When Koopa women wants some _love_, they wag their tails like obedient dogs. And I gladly give it to them. It makes them mine forever."

She was frightened. She had been trained to know fear as positive, as it warned one about danger just in time. But she couldn't do anything about this situation. It was just so much of Bowser to feel; the velvety snout, the sharp, smooth horns, the thick, red mane and his scaly skin. He kissed her, and she stiffened as his claws roamed over her completely bare skin. It tasted peppery, and she did not like it.

Toadstool gasped as he started drawing circles on her neck with his tongue, until enclosing half of her bust with his mouth.

"No!" She exclaimed. Was there no end to his depravity? It was painful, like being stabbed, but she found that the more she fought it, the harder he drew upon it, with the associated pain escalating. So she relaxed her body. The moment she did, Bowser became as close to her as physically possible. Despite the humiliation, it felt very good... in a way she couldn't explain. She closed her eyes as the act intensified in pace and sensation, and tried not to think.

The morning would be there soon enough.


	18. The Princess Returns Part I

**Everybody! Meet up at the arena; a great battle is about to break out! And the refreshments are free!**

* * *

><p>Bowser was made to pay for his crime, though. The morning after sleeping with Toadstool, he woke up and found himself restrained to his own bed. He tugged at the chains, but found it impossible to move. Even his head was secured nice and tight.<p>

"Now you know how it feels," Toadstool said coldly. She appeared out of nowhere and straddled the Koopa king's waist. Being naked did not bother her, most likely because there was nothing for her to wear in the locked room.

"What the hell is this?" Bowser roared. "Guards!"

"I wouldn't bother if I were you," Toadstool threatened and drew a morning star she had found by the fireplace. It did make the 130 pound blonde woman a lot more intimidating. She held it over his head, literally.

"You raped me. You degraded me and rendered me helpless. Your act could have destroyed me completely, made me feel worthless, disgusting and less than human." She said angrily.

Bowser smiled awkwardly. "Yeah; it really was _swe-e-e-e-t_."

"But guess what, Koopa. "

She leant over and stared him right in the eye. "It didn't."

Bowser tugged again, but the chains were unyielding. "I am the sovereign ruler of the Mushroom World, and I demand to be released!"

Toadstool scoffed. "I'm sorry. You fell asleep so fast after finishing, so I didn't have the time to tell you that you are no king. You don't rule over Rosalina's Observatory, the Tanooki Forest, or Roy's tribe. Without them, you're just a glorified landlord of sorts. Heck_, I'm_ a bigger man than you'll ever be."

"What will it take for you to undo me from this bed, Tanookian?"

"I demand that you stop being a coward and meet me at the Round Mound for the last battle; like the pact and prophecy demands. You are a part of them, too. If you defeat me, all the Mushroom World will be yours." She closed in on him. "Also, you'll release my friends and give all of your subjects a day off to attend the battle."

Bowser considered it. He'd easily defeat this annoying sun beam. But his mind also wandered; visiting memories of what he had lost in his quest to destroy Princess Peach. His wife, who he had manhandled to death. His Koopalings. Ludwig and Wendy had been killed by a rebel Real Worlder, and Morton committed suicide early after the occupation of Toad Town. He had had a secret crush on Peach, and wanted to marry her as soon as he could afford a big enough diamond. Bowser's worst fear came true for Iggy, Roy and Lemmy. They grew up and left their nest; leaving Bowser without a family.

"Fine. You also want me to issue free snacks and beverages?"

"Why not? It won't be the show of a lifetime without popcorn and Fresca."

She held up the massive padlock that kept the chains together. "Do we have an agreement?"

* * *

><p>The workers had made a line outside the labor camp's dinner stand and waited for their daily serving of water used to scrub frying pans when the gates were flung up.<p>

"Look!" A little Toad boy dropped his bowl in excitement. "The gate is open!"

"It's open? I didn't know they had an open!" Another said.

"Listen, workers! You will leave the camp in an orderly fashion and assemble around the Round Mound." The Hammer Bro's voice crooned through a megaphone.

"Don't you know?" A worker said to another. "Our savior has come to set us all free."

Everybody dropped their dinner and rampaged out of the camp. Their opinion of orderly gave several guards a concussion.

* * *

><p>The Round Mound was vast, dome-shaped and made out of sandstone. In each end of the knoll were a mountain; one for Bowser, and one for his adversary. Toadstool met her friends atop her mountain, where they had saddled Radar.<p>

Everybody looked pretty reduced from their stay in the dungeon. Mario had a cut on his cheek and was pale.

"Toadstool! Thank god, you're safe!" He gave her a warm hug, which she returned; her eyes tearing up.

"Oh, Mario," she sighed; "I thought I'd never see you again."

The tavern keeper gently touched her eyelids, which were still painted with Bowser's favorite eye shadow for his women. "Dear me, what did he do to you?"

"Let's not go there." Toadstool figured that if she survived the upcoming night, she'd find a way to purge the memory of Bowser's flesh from her skin. She mounted Radar, who rubbed his head against her knee, then consumed the bread crumbs from the ground.

Toad, whose costume had been torn up by the other inmates in the dungeon, observed Toadstool watchfully as she rested her hand on her abdomen. "Are you alright, Tanookian?"

She nodded. "Yeah. Just a little nauseous."

A dry, cool wind blew over the Round Mound, and the thousands of Toads, Koopas, Goombas and Beanish in the audience waited patiently as they filled up on the government-provided pick-me-up.

"Is this happening, or what?" Mario grumped.

In that moment, Toadstool saw the elderly Koopa wizard climbed the Mound. He wore a long, trailing robe and a liripipe to protect him against the elements.

"Will the exalted King of the Koopas enter the Mound?" Kamek boomed with a magically enhanced voice.

Bowser, riding an avian mount three times the size of Toadstool's, came down the mountain side. Radar, who had been casually snacking down a stale bear claw, looked up and shook his head in fear.

"No, no, no, don't worry, Radar, it'll be OK," Toadstool patted him on his neck. "I'll deal with Bowser. You just fly me close enough, alright?"

Kamek turned to the other side of the Mound. "And where is the last Tanookian?"

"That's you, Radar. Go ahead." Mario patted the bird on its hip, and Toadstool's friends all waved to her as she left the mountain.

Kamek raised his hands. "Present the artifacts of the Gemini!"

Two Paratroopas descended from the sky on each side of Kamek. The sorcerer placed the Oog Tar within his sister's wand, and powerful blasts of primal magic emitted from its four gems. Kamek looked at the scene with certain sadness. He had spent more than a century keeping Bowser in the dark about the whole truth and knew the punishment would be cruel.

When the colorful lightning ceased, both Bowser and Toadstool found themselves armed. The Tanookian's tail and ears were white and yellow and so pure they almost sparkled. She wore metal cuffs on her upper arms with a pointed edge, to deter any coward moves to her sides. Better yet, she wielded a spear and morning star so light she could swing them as if they were mere sticks.

Bowser's massive shoulders were covered with spiked iron plates in addition to the other cuff-age. His legs were also protected with heavy, spiked metal armor. His glistening sword's flesh- filleting abilities were tested on a Koopa attendant, who was unfortunate enough to stand too close. Crimson spray tainted the sand and King Koopa's mount as both as the poor Koopa Troopa fell to the ground. He had been cut like a rose's stalk.

Toadstool's hand flew to her throat. Mario clenched his jaw as he said his prayers.

"This is Dark Land!" The Koopa Troop's side of the audience shouted.

"This is Toad Town!" Those loyal to Princess Peach roared.

Before she could think to herself: "This is it", Radar was running towards Bowser, and the adversary lowering his weapon in a devastating pose. She did the same, and her fear melted away as she stared him in the eye.


	19. The Princess Returns Part II

**This chapter almost killed me, too. Enjoy it! **

**Note: I was mailed by someone asking me whether or not Toadstool is Peach. Read this chapter and find out for yourself ^^**

* * *

><p>Fearless and unhesitant, Toadstool aimed her javelin, and hit Bowser's plastron. It didn't wound him, but the impact was enough to give her some room to move her elbows. King Koopa veered to the left, and his mount almost lost its foothold; a perilous mistake considering its heavy load.<p>

Toadstool didn't bask in her one victory; she kept her piercing eyes at her enemy the whole time. Radar scraped the ground like an angry bull, and on Kamek's signal, the two mounts galloped towards each other. Bowser swung his sword, which Toadstool caught between the spikes of her morning star.

She used both of her arms to hold on to the club; Bowser was unyielding in his desire to cut her down, and unsurprisingly, he was very, very strong.

"Give up?" He sneered.

"Never!" she leant her foot on the side of Bowser's saddle and used it as leverage to kick off. The blade didn't hit her, but it slashed Radar, who screeched in surprise and pain. The move was illegal enough to make Kamek call a time-out, so Mario and Toad could tend to the bird's wounds.

"I'm sorry, Radar," Toadstool patted him on the neck.

"Whoop," the bird replied, as if to say: "Let's just kick his ass."

The audience also threw their two coins in. "Let's see how brave King Koopa is in the air!" someone shouted, and the rest of them commenced their noise level.

"I accept that challenge!" Bowser raised his sword.

"I do too." Toadstool turned Radar around. "I know you can do this," she whispered, both to her bird and herself.

Both Rocs spanned their wings out and took off into the air colored deep red by the sunset. Radar's moves were smoother in the air, and made it easier for his mistress to concentrate on the battle rather than being thrust from side to side.

Bowser was a fearsome sight. His entire being radiated bloodlust, and Toadstool gritted her teeth. Her adversary's mount was much faster than hers, despite its load. Because she was too busy focusing on the dangerous sword, she was blind to Bowser's tail, which came flying at her so fast it made the air hiss.

It hit her right in the mouth, and almost knocked her off Radar's back. All the female Toads in the audience booed and screeched at King Koopa, and took their powers as women back by tearing off their tops and enticing the Troop to join them in a crazy dance on the Mound. It must have been the cold autumn air's effect on the ladies' busts that ensured the high attendance number. Kamek made several futile attempts to end the riot by shooting around rays of earsplitting magic. It did little more than making the scene look like a bizarre disco night.

Toadstool spat and heaved on the blood filling her mouth, and followed up with a powerful swing of her morning star, which rammed Bowser in the snout, and he wobbled. His bird tried to take a bite of Toadstool's leg, causing the loyal and watchful Radar to back off.

"You fight well for a bangtail," Bowser taunted. "You're the only one who's made it this far."

"Let's kick it up a notch!" Toadstool held up her weapons. "I can go on as long as you, Koopa!"

Bowser reached for his own weapon, but it was not the sword this time. Instead, he pulled out a big ball of Goombas. "My second wife showed me how to do this!" The Goombas were engulfed by one of Bowser's fireballs, and he threw them in the air.

They landed on Radar, his wings, and tail, also, on Toadstool. They bit down on her, and each one that slammed into her was like a punch to the face. They grabbed her sword, and threw it at the ground. She was now pretty much defenseless. She screamed in terror and pain, and despite Kamek blowing the whistle on the very illegal and cowardly attack, King Koopa now had a follow-up cluster of Shy Guys as well.

"That's why you never remarried, you know." A familiar voice said, and Toadstool brushed the last Goomba out of her hair.

It was Roy, and his tribe, mounted on smaller Rocs. The ex-Koopaling crossed his brawny, tattoo-covered arms. "You just won't let a woman finish."

"Roy!" The sight filled Bowser with conflicting emotions too much for his proverbial narrow horizon. "Son, what are you doing here?"

He tried to take Roy's claw in his, but was thoroughly rejected.

"I heard the greatest battle between good and evil had broken out," Roy replied, and raised his eyebrow over the rim of his sunglasses. "Normally I wouldn't care less if you Koopa Troop muscle heads caught fire, but then I heard one of my best friends was on the opposite side of your weapon. Being raised on a diet of flat iron steak and your cowardice, I knew there was no way you would fight fair.

Bowser's estranged son rolled his eyes, although nobody could see it. That was why he wore sunglasses in the first place. "Guess my instincts were right." Roy nodded at Toadstool. "Here you go, girlfriend." He threw her sword over to her. "Be more careful next time. A Tanookian shouldn't need a lanyard."

"Thanks."

The tribe leader signaled to his troop to form a fan behind Toadstool. "It's your command, Tanookian."

Way down below, the Troopas not incapacitated by the naked dancing Toad girls got their act together and brought out their own mounts.

The tribe was, except from during tax times, normally a peaceful society. But when faced with a threat, they fought fire with fire. That's why the Koopa Troop had yet to invade their realm. But they didn't choose today to give up.

Bowser and Toadstool ordered their Troops to attack, with themselves on the front line, and this time she returned the favor. The morning star hit him with great force in the white encasing of his spiky shell, and cracked it from his shoulder to his scapula. Dark red blood spilled from the wound, and he roared in pain; "Kill her! Kill her!" But Roy and his army were doing such a good job defending their new general that Bowser was left to his own devices. His bird on the other hand, could not let this pass.

Toadstool saw the mounted Koopa king returning for more, but why didn't he raise his weapon? Her eyes fell on the Roc, and realized just in time that it was the bird itself prompting this attack. She grabbed the harness and pressed her heels against Radar's sides.

He took a deep dive in the air, with Bowser right behind them.

"Fly, Radar, fly!" Toadstool felt a little rush of panic; if he was wounded, both of them were a good as dead.

But Radar, though a real chicken on the ground, was not about to be intimidated. He turned around, and waited for Bowser's mount to extend its leg before defending himself. In the meantime, Bowser had recovered enough to deliver a potentially fatal lunge at Toadstool with his sword. Radar saw it and reared to protect her, resulting in him taking another blow; this time to his underside.

"No!" Toadstool reached over to see the extent of Radar's injury. In that moment, one of Roy's marksmen hit Bowser's bird. He had really aimed at the Bob-Omb - carrying Paratroopa above the two. The arrow went right through the bird's neck, forcing it to make a landing before bleeding out.

Toadstool followed suit, and landed on the Round Mound, and stepped over several fallen fighters, and also audience members. The survivors of them were still watching from underneath the bleachers.

Bowser had his sword in the hand that wasn't covering his bleeding shoulder. Toadstool, bruised, wounded, dirty and burned, signaled that although weakened, she was not done.

He tried to swing the sword, but the injury he had suffered to his shell had left him drained of both blood and strength. Toadstool had lost her javelin, and sent her morning star crashing into her enemy. He landed on his back with a snarl, and she straddled him. She stared him right in the eye, and punched him in the face with such force she broke the cartilage in his snout.

But before she could use the morning star to end his suffering, she felt an icy pain pulsate through her stomach and chest; Bowser's claws were digging into her flesh, and her blood heated the digits before grabbing her weapon. He was too weak to use it, but still strong enough to hold on to it.

"We die together, Tanookian," he mumbled.

Toadstool looked around and saw the Gemini artifacts clenched in Kamek's dead hand. She picked it up, dragged it over to Bowser, and aimed the Staff at his heart. The red spray splattered over her legs and waist.

In the corner of his eye, Bowser saw his son, lying on his side with a thin line of blood oozing out from between his lips; like a cat hit by a car. In his mind, a call resurfaced from a carefree past, when everyone Bowser held dear, were alive, healthy and young.

The five-year-old Lemmy Koopa poked around in the Koopa toy chest until he found what he was looking for; a toy submarine. "Hey, guys! If you're so bored, we could play Real World – fleet!"

Roy, free from tattoos, and as neat as his mother kept all her children, scoffed. "Geeks can't play Real World - fleet."

Lemmy pushed him in the shoulder. "Shut up, fathead!"

"Don't call me fathead, you stupid geek!" Roy attacked his older, although much smaller brother, who defended himself vehemently.

Their younger brother Iggy rushed over, tripping balls of joy. "Look who's fighting again!" He pointed, cackled hysterically and had to embrace himself to avoid falling over from laughter.

Because of this memory, King Bowser Koopa's death was not a painful one. The last Tanookian had fulfilled the Pact, and the Mushroom World was once again free.

Princess Peach's people looked out from underneath their covers, and as they realized this, the applause broke out. Toadstool sat down on her knees, and soon, Radar came over, and rested his head on her shoulder to comfort her.

"Thank you so much." She muttered.

"Whoop," he replied. "_Only one thing remains undone_."

She grabbed the Oog Tar, and the staff of Eudicot. "Are you sure?"

"Whoop." "_It's the only way to make sure this never happens again_."

Toadstool sighed, and got up. To ease Radar's burden, she gingerly removed his saddle and bridle and tossed them aside. The bird lowered his knees, and she mounted him. He took off despite his pain. Toadstool clutched her bleeding wounds and felt the grace of Rosalina waning out of both of them.

"Whoop – whoop," Radar tooted softly. "_Don't be afraid_."

She hugged his neck. "You're no ordinary bird, Radar."

The Round Mound underneath them cracked open as she dropped the Staff of Eudicot onto it, and the dull sand was replaced with colorful, glowing plates of glass. She had seen it before.

"Iggy's Dream Theater. Of course. But how…?"

An evil voice echoed through the air, and a Koopa with blue hair became so clear to the Tanookian's inner eye, although not before her.

"_Princess Peach, do not sacrifice yourself…"_

Radar had stopped flapping his wings and started to fall towards the splintering dome of multicolored light.

"_You cannot destroy us."_

Toadstool's eyes were heavy, but she was ready to die. "If I am the princess, then I _will_ succeed."

Both the Tanookian and her bird passed away at once. Toadstool plummeted towards the Dream Theater, intent on destroying the Oog Tar and followed by Radar.

Pain, shame and fear existed no more.


	20. A New Shining Star Is Born

**Hell, yeah! Bowser totally got his sorry ass handed to him! I know these two chapters have been uploaded in such a hurry, but it's Saturday, the one day a week I have the time to write. But today I have to clean the house. Hence the hurry.  
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**The chaos is over for this story, but if you read this chapter, you'll find that in the Mushroom Kingdom, complete pandemonium is always around the corner. Maybe I'll follow up on it – the day death is less scary.**

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><p>Nothing at all existed for the longest time, in fact. But slowly she gained consciousness, not as if she was sleeping, but like a baby Koopa, hearing its loving parents talking outside its egg, and desiring to join them.<p>

She opened her eyes, but couldn't find the strength to move yet. It was not until she saw Mario she found any point in it; all her friends were dead.

"Mario!" she exclaimed, although with a weak voice.

Her best friend rushed over to her, and he very carefully took her in his arms to give her a hug. She kissed him on the forehead, because it felt right.

"You survived. But how?" she asked as soon as he had helped her to some water.

"I took a blow, but not as big one as you did, Princess. This time I actually thought I'd never see you again."

Those words reminded her of something. "Yeah. You told me." She leant back in the hospital bed with a content smile. "But it's alright now. The Kingdom is safe, and Bowser is gone. I killed him myself."

Mario bit down on his lip. "You, uh, what you killed on the Round Mound wasn't Bowser. That was Larry Koopa, disguised as Bowser."

That prompted her to pull her blanket off and try to stand on the floor on trembling legs. "Then this isn't over, Mario! I still have to fight him. Prepare Radar for me…"

"Hey, hey," Mario took her by her wrists and eased her back into bed. "It IS over."

Dr. Toadley had told Mario it would take some time for all of them, and especially for Peach, to separate fantasy from reality again. Whatever Iggy Koopa had injected them with, had caused mayhem.

"Iggy's invention fed on our minds and made our worst nightmares come true. Such as yours, having your kingdom ravaged by the Koopa Troop, Luigi having to make a decision, me losing you and my brother, and Bowser's secret fear of his Koopalings growing up and leaving him. But we overcame those fears, all of us did."

"But then, Bowser got away." She sighed heavily as she prepared to fall asleep again.

"He'll be found." Mario replied ominously and looked out the window. "I promise."

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><p>Bowser hadn't suffered any injuries from the Dream Theater, but his surviving Koopalings had. Roy and Larry Koopa received intensive care at the Toad Town Hospital, but it was doubtful that either one of them would endure.<p>

The door to his study was opened, and Reishi Linh entered without knocking as Bowser sat there, lost in the broken painting he held up. He straightened out the piece of canvas with the diamond ring hand and regretted the grief that had prompted him to destroy the picture.

"Bowser," Reishi said.

"Leave me alone." He didn't even look up.

"But you called me here. Ironically I am here to tell you that I'm leaving. For good. So, my fee, please."

"Your fee?" in spite of his misery, King Koopa almost chuckled. "Even if I had the coins after the Koopalings are paid their grants of two million each, you'd still have to wait."

"Oh, you will pay, Koopa. And this is why." She lifted his chin up in an act of boundless contempt.

"You know, my dear, dear Karmak died inside Iggy's invention. Apparently someone had corrupted and torn down his once strong mind with conditional love."

She snickered in self-pride.

"But I do have enough of his DNA stored up inside my body to raise my own army of Magikoopa hybrids. Guess who their prime target would be if you pissed me off."

"Uh-huh," Bowser replied. That threat was creepy enough to make him find the mysteriously missing deed to Reishi's promised piece of land. She thanked him, grabbed it and was on her way out of his life.

"Lady Linh, wait." Bowser called after her.

She turned around. "What?

"My Koopalings are growing up. They have even left the castle now, every single one. Lemmy lives right next door to Iggy, because that makes him feel safe at night. That's _my_ job. Roy threatened that I would never see either him or my other Koopalings ever again."

Reishi shook her head. "That's just Roy. You know he doesn't mean it."

"Still it scared me enough to end up with _this_." Bowser pulled a cover away from an upholstered crate, revealing a grass green egg with orange spots. It had started to crack, and soon, a little yellow arm peeked through the flimsy eggshell. Bowser gingerly removed some of the eggshell so the little one could breathe.

When he did, the shell was completely torn apart by the size of the Koopa baby. It was a very strong boy, who apart being toothless and having only tiny soft spikes, looked exactly like his father.

Bowser tried to caress the little son, who then hissed and bit him with his empty jaws. Obviously, this child was not as trusting as his other Koopalings were as babies.

"My wife and I once agreed that we would keep this castle full of Koopa kids until the day we couldn't make any more."

"Disturbingly sweet, but your wife didn't carry that kid. Who did?"

Reishi kept staring at Bowser, who remained silent for too long.

"Oh, you can't be _serious_?" she exclaimed.

"She is the only one I've been with since my wife died." Bowser buried his face in his massive claws.

"Sheesh, man; what the hell were you _thinking_? And what do you want me to do?"

"If the Koopalings find out about the new shining star, they will rip him to shreds. I want you to take him with you to your new home and keep him safe and warm, and raise him for a while."

The Toad girl frowned. "No way in hell."

In that moment the Koopa baby lay down and started twitching and screaming. He was hungry; his little body required colostrum to replace the nutritious yolk.

Bowser caught her gaze. "He'll die if you don't help him."

Reishi sighed. "Christ. Fine, I'll do it. But you owe me big time. Just keep your legs closed like a good girl for the next couple of years." She grabbed the quilt and swaddled the baby, who stopped being aggressive and sniffed the air; smelling food. She had an exquisite crib and heat lamp that generated actual Vitamin D at her castle's nursery. They were really intended for her own offspring, which would have to share their mother.

Bowser felt empty and sad as he saw his little son taken away. He couldn't wait for Kamek to come to the castle, which he had promised to do as soon as he had finished destroying evidence.

Or so he said.

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><p>"<em>It's a one way ticket to midnight! Call it – Heavy Metal! Higher than high, feelin' just right…"<em>

The fact that humans, Toads and Koopas couldn't stay in an alternate universe without the young prince's invention, didn't apply to the seventeen – year – old Kamek, who was out riding his Firebird through deep space with a smile on his face and lipstick on his collar.

He cranked up the stereo and his gaze shifted to the sixteen-year-old Kammy Koopa whose certain parts looked awesome in that purple, half-sleeved novice – dress. He could have sworn they got shorter each year.

"Where are we going again?" Kammy asked, with a little smile on her sweet young face.

"Somewhere even closer to the stars, kitten," Kamek replied, and stepped on the pedal.

"Call it – Heavy Metal!"

The Firebird disappeared and left a twinkle, which to many people must feel very familiar.

The End

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><p><strong>Thanks to everyone who read, favorited, subscribed, and reviewed this story. You're the truest Mario - fans there are! Enjoy your weekend, and I hope something wonderful is in store for you on Valentine's Day 3<strong>


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